


Thank U, Next

by goufa



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by an Ariana Grande Song, Songfic, thank u next
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 01:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goufa/pseuds/goufa
Summary: a  short hizzie seriesthis story isn't sunshine and rainbows. it's heartbreak, realization and confrontation. it's a journey. it has its toxic moments. it has its fluff. let me tell you about hope mikaelson and lizzie saltzman,more specifically, how they fell in and out of love.ora hizzie songfic based off of ariana's album: thank u, next





	1. break up with your boyfriend, i'm bored

Lizzie Saltzman and Hope Mikaelson have been friends for over a decade. Well, kind of. They've known each other for a decade, but just recently started to actually bond and start building their friendship. They've really only been friends for three years, and they're best friends.

When Hope needs support, Lizzie is there and vice versa. They understand one another, it's like they're best friend soul mates... or something like that.

So Lizzie doesn't really understand why her mind-  _and heart_ \- are fucking with her right now and making her crush on Hope. Lizzie's devasted, really. Crushing on your best friend is truly the worst, especially when they're your main support system and oh- are dating a really sweet guy who she's pretty sure Hope's been in love with for a few years now. Great. Lizzie has to see or hear about Landon almost every time she and Hope hang out and it's been driving her insane.

So, she does the thing she hasn't had to do in such a long time. It makes her sad, knowing that she's returning to old techniques. But she has to, to protect herself and Hope. She shuts Hope out and does her best to ignore her. When Hope presses too much she lashes out and tells Hope to just leave her alone.

It works. For awhile. A few months, to be exact.

Lizzie goes without her best friend, her support system, for a few months. One can only imagine how horrible things have been for Lizzie's close friends and family. But they're able to help her and do the best they can to support her. No one is as good as Hope though.

Hope, on the other hand, has been fucking distraught. Literally falling apart. Landon, Raf, Freya, nobody can calm her down when she has breakdowns and she's been more irritable each day. Hope never realized how deep Lizzie really planted herself into her life, and it's driving her insane to not know what she did wrong.

She wants to reach out, so, so bad. But she knows Lizzie needs her space and she's more than willing to wait until the taller girl is ready.

Hope's not sure how long she'll have to wait though. It seems like forever- and once her vampirism is activated she'll literally have forever to wait around- but she prays it's soon. Because she feels like she can blow any moment.

Thank whatever higher power there is because Hope's begging has finally been answered. Lizzie fucking Saltzman is at the same party as her. Hope spots her as soon as she walks in, she's about an hour late but she looks more than gorgeous so at least she has an excuse. Fashionably late. She shows up with Josie by her side and MG runs to greet them.

**_You got me some type of way, ain't used to feelin' this way, I do not know what to say_ **

Hope is thrown into a state of panic. What does she say? Should she even approach her? No, how does she look is the question of the hour? Oh, god. She hasn't even seen Lizzie in a month or two. She feels sick. Luckily, the taller girl hasn't noticed her yet so she sneaks her way into the kitchen for a drink. Why is she so nervous? Why does she care if she's presentable or not? Lizzie is her best friend, that's all, so it doesn't matter. What matters is getting her to talk to Hope again.

**_Took one fuckin' look at your face, now I wanna know how you taste_ **   
**_Usually, don't give it away but you know I'm out here thinkin' 'bout it_ **

To the best of Hope's luck, Lizzie bursts into the kitchen giggling. For a moment she wonders if she can duck down and avoid detection or use her cup to hide her face but it's too late. Her and Lizzie lock eyes.

"Oh," Lizzie's eyebrows raise. "Hope, hey."

Hope gulps. "Hey. H-How are you?"

Being this close to Lizzie really takes a toll on Hope. Lizzie looked gorgeous from a distance but being right across the counter from Hope is really making the shorter girl... nervous? She doesn't even know. She can't exactly describe what she's feeling but all she can think about is how Lizzie looks so good. It's refreshing to see her face.

"I'm good. You?"

Lizzie feels like she's going to collapse. Hope's hair is down and fits her face perfectly, she's wearing combat boots (as always) and skinny jeans with a simple top and leather jacket. Fair to say the blonde is having a GPA. Besides her gay panic attack currently going on, she's not prepared to confront Hope or do anything else tonight but party. She definitely can just run away again but Hope deserves better than that. Lizzie does too.

Instead, she plays it cool. She pretends like she's not nervous or about to lose her mind. Hope doesn't seem to catch on. In fact, Hope seems too preoccupied with other thoughts to even reply to Lizzie's question or address the fact that Lizzie's been MIA for the last few months. Lizzie's about to ask if she's okay when she notices Hope is eyeing her- from head to toe.

Oh. Well, not really what Lizzie pictured their first confrontation after so long would be like, but it's okay. She'll take it. She's not sure what to do now, does she say something, clear her throat, flirt..? She settles for an awkward shift.

Hope meets her eyes again and opens her mouth to speak when they're interrupted.

**_Then I realize he's right there_ **   
**_And I'm like, "Damn, this ain't fair,"_ **

Landon walks into the kitchen and asks Hope if everything is alright. Lizzie's face drops and she backs away from Hope and starts to make herself two drinks. Which is what she initially came into the kitchen for anyway.

Hope sighs. Hard. She's so desperate to roll her eyes but she doesn't. Honestly, she forgot she's here with Landon. The last few months with him have been tense and rocky. Hope loves him but he's never been very understanding of her problems and how she chooses to deal with them. Due to the fact that she's been so on edge lately, things have only gotten worse. She was hoping to get a few more moments alone with Lizzie, at least enough to discuss the elephant in the room, but of course, her loving and caring boyfriend has to interrupt.

Hope knows it isn't fair to be frustrated with anyone but herself. And Lizzie. But, still. She was so in the moment she didn't even realize the boy might come looking for her... what was that about anyway?

**_This shit always happens to me, why can't we just play for keeps?_ **

Lizzie slams her cups down harshly after pouring her drinks into them. Hope and Landon are having hushed conversation towards the other end of the kitchen, but Lizzie can hear Hope telling him that she needs a bit of space and is trying to talk to her. They both look in her direction after she slams her cups down but she just takes a huge swing from the first one.

Lizzie remembers why she distanced herself from Hope. She's sick of watching perfect little Landon come in and receive all of Hope's attention. She wishes they could just hold a competition, competing for Hope's love and attention. She knows she'd win for sure. Lizzie knows all of Hope's favorite things, what cheers her up, her pet peeves, the best way to get her out of bed in the morning. You name it and Lizzie most likely knows it. Landon, on the other hand, is a great guy, but he's pretty clueless. It's like Hope is always one, or two steps ahead of him. Lizzie thinks Hope deserves someone who can step  _with_  her, not behind.

"Liz, you good?" Hope asks, making her way towards the blonde.

"Oh, just peachy. Don't mind me you can continue talking to your oh-so-amazing boyfriend and I'm just going to go enjoy my night like I originally planned," Lizzie glares at Landon and then at Hope before making her way into the crowd.

"Uhm," Landon starts. "Is she okay?"

"What do you think?" Hope rolls her eyes and follows the taller girl. So Lizzie is upset because Landon interrupted them? She doesn't get it, she was trying to tell him to go away anyway! And why is she talking about Landon like that? She only does that when-

"Oh." The shorter girl thinks aloud after finally putting the pieces together. Lizzie is jealous of Landon. And if Lizzie is jealous of Landon, then that means...

Lizzie totally likes her. That's why she's been distancing herself. It all makes sense now.

But what does this mean for them?

**_You know what you're doin' to me, actin' all innocent, please. When I know you out here thinkin' 'bout it_ **

Hope approaches Lizzie in the crowd and taps her on the shoulder lightly, interrupting her conversation with MG. She gives MG a nod of acknowledgment and he gets the memo, disappearing into the crowd of his guests.

"Hey... can we talk?"

Lizzie stares at Hope for a moment and the shorter girl is afraid that Lizzie is going to walk away or something until she gives a small nod. "Sure, you can talk to me while we dance."

"Uh-" Hope starts to object but Lizzie pulls her deeper into the crowd and they're surrounded by sweaty college students and way too much bumping and grinding. Hope grimaces.

Lizzie starts to dance with the crowd and Hope notices a few people get a little too close to her or let their eyes linger for a bit too long. She squints her eyes and pulls the blonde close, places her hands on her hips and leans into the taller girl.

"Jealous much?" Lizzie smirks and Hope tightens her grip a bit. Lizzie is acting like she isn't being affected by Hope being so close but she gulps and looks around, not wanting to maintain eye contact with her. "So what do you want to talk about?" Lizzie asks after clearing her throat.

"Well, for starters, you kind of walked out of my life. Why?"

"I think you know why," Lizzie sighs as Hope moves her arms from her hips to around her neck. A slow song isn't playing and even though everyone seems close because they're dancing on each other Hope and Lizzie still seems to be the closest in the room. "You know what you're doing, Hope."

"Do I?"

Hope actually does know what she's doing. It's not right but she has to make sure her feelings are confirmed before she acts on anything, including repairing her relationship with Lizzie. Lizzie smiles at the shorter girl and brings her hands around the girl's waist. "I think you do," She leans down a bit to reach Hope's ear.

"I like you, Hope. And I can't stand to see you with Landon, or hear you talk about him every time we're together."

**_Then you realize he's right there. And you're like, "Damn, he can't compare,"_ **

Hope looks up and stares at Lizzie and for a moment she feels like it's just them in the room. "Lizzie, I..."

"I think your boyfriend wants to dance," Lizzie smiles at Hope sadly and leaves before Landon can approach. As Hope watches her leave she feels like there's a weight pushing down on her chest and she struggles to catch her breath for a moment. Landon approaches Hope with a smile and that's when Hope realizes that though she loves to see Landon's smile she can't live without seeing Lizzie's.

**_You could say I'm hating if you want too, but I only hate on him cause I want you. Say I'm trippin if you feel like but you without me ain't right._ **

Lizzie finds Josie and takes her cup out of her hand, chugging it down in a few sips. "I'm ready to fucking go. But after a few more drinks. I need to get shitfaced." She pulls her sister into a tight hug.

Josie breaks free from the bear hug and chuckles as she kisses her girlfriend, Penelope, and lures Lizzie away toward the kitchen. "I'll be back, babe. I'll bring you a drink."

Lizzie smiles at Penelope apologetically. She really appreciates how supportive her twin and Penelope are, they can just kick her to the curb and let her deal with her feelings on her own but they don't and she's so thankful. Penelope and Josie are Hope's friends too, yet they still respect the situation and don't treat Hope or Lizzie differently.

Rafael, Landon's brother, and conveniently Hope's ex, is always accusing Lizzie of hating on Landon or having a vendetta against him- especially after she distanced herself from Hope. Maybe he's right, but the only reason why Lizzie is ever bitter toward Landon is that he has the girl of her dreams and isn't giving her his all. Lizzie hopes that Hope can see how right Lizzie is someday and realize that she can do so much better.

**_Break up with your boyfriend, you could hit it in the morning,_ **

Hope is tired of feeling conflicted and like she's gonna blow. She's tired of Landon telling her all of the wrong things and tired of having to explain herself. She feels like shit. She's just realized her best friend likes her, she obviously returns some of those feelings and she has a very sweet, yet very annoying, boyfriend. She's not really sure what to do. But she does know that Landon doesn't deserve to remain in a faltering relationship.

"Landon," Hope turns around to address the boy that's been following behind her the entire party. "I think we should break up. I'm sorry."

"What? Why?" He doesn't seem sad or anything. Just confused as to why it's so sudden. "Actually, just save it, Hope. I'll ask you when you're not under the influence."

Hope's face scrunches up and she's taken aback at his remark. Does he think she's going to change her mind when she sobers up or something? "I barely had two drinks, Landon. I'm not under the influence."

"I meant under the influence of Lizzie. Goodnight, Hope." With that, he walks away.

Hope lets out a breath she didn't realize she's been holding and makes her way to the kitchen. She needs to be under the actual influence after what just happened. Under the influence of Lizzie? Landon obviously doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Hey. Again," Lizzie greets Hope for what seems to be the umpteenth time tonight. "You're really pretty, you know."

The shorter girl notices the cup in the blonde's hand and reaches her hand out. Lizzie gives her the cup and Hope finishes whatever is in it before replying. "Thanks. You are too."

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt?" Hope asks after a moment of silence. "We could've talked about it. You didn't have to run." She sounds hurt.

Lizzie just shrugs her shoulders and inches closer to Hope. "It wouldn't have mattered. Would it?"

Hope actually thinks for a second before deciding that she doesn't know. It's in the past anyway.

"Who knows, I'm just glad I know now. We should get out of here, I'm bored."

"Yeah, we should." Lizzie agrees. "I'll order an Uber."


	2. imagine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, this is my first songfic. if u enjoyed the first chapter and are still here, THANK U!!! please leave feedback and lmk what u guys think! i love ur comments. enjoy (:

_**Knew you were perfect after the first kiss, took a deep breath like "Ooh,"** _

_**Feels like forever, baby, I never thought that it would be you** _

Lizzie knows that she's falling for Hope. She can feel it, like a punch to the gut, and she picks it up in all of her actions. Hope wants something? She does her damn best to make sure she gets it. Hope needs backup? Lizzie's already there and slaughtering anyone in Hope's way. Everything she's done lately she's done with Hope on her mind, and the blonde honestly isn't sure how to feel. But she knows that this all started with that dumb kiss-- just when she thought she couldn't feel any more confused about this Hope situation.

The morning after the party Lizzie and Hope ended up hooking up. It started with a kiss, gentle but impatient and quickly escalated into much more. They refused to discuss it for a week until it happened again... and again. By the fourth time, Lizzie couldn't take it anymore, so she confronted Hope.

Luckily, after a long talk and a few tears from Lizzie, Hope finally fessed up to returning feelings for Lizzie and they've been taking things slow from there, just making sure to be aware of their feelings and communicate. It's been almost two months since Hope broke up with Landon. Her and Lizzie are on really good terms again, and they've been working on communication like crazy.

Things are going good. Really good. Hope can't keep the smile off of her face lately. She's currently at Lizzie's apartment cuddled up to her on the couch while watching scary movies. Even though Lizzie hates them, it's pretty late, and Hope knows when Lizzie watches something too scary she has trouble falling asleep. Just another excuse to cuddle with her, Hope thinks. 

_**Staying up all night, order me pad thai, then we gon sleep til noon. Me with no makeup, you in the bathtub- this is a pleasure, feel like we never act this regular.** _

"Okay, I'm starving. I'm ordering Thai food. Do you want your regular?"Lizzie asks and slips away from behind Hope so that she can order the food.

"Mm, yes, please. Oh, and can you call insomnia and order some cookies? I'm craving them," Hope pouts, and Lizzie rolls her eyes. The blonde can't resist that pout and Hope knows it.

"Sure," She complies.

"Thank you," Hope smiles and leans up to peck Lizzie on the cheek. She plops back down and takes the time Lizzie's using to order the food to really admire her. She's gorgeous, no doubt, but Hope is still blown away each time she gets to see her bare-faced and comfortable- just in her skin. It's a pleasure, that's for sure. She can definitely get used to being domestic with Lizzie, they were domestic before anyway, but now it just feels... right.

She zones the movie out and starts to think about what'll happen once she and Lizzie make things official. How things will change, or will they? She still feels pretty bad about basically blowing Landon off, especially after everything they've been through but he's been pretty understanding and they're still on friendly terms. Lizzie has seriously become the center of her world within the past few months and Hope doesn't mind. Not one bit.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Lizzie asks, climbing onto Hope's lap. Hope diverts her attention to Lizzie and smiles, slipping her hands under her shirt so that they rest on her stomach.

"Just thinking about you."

"Really?" Lizzie asks, brow raised. "That's lame of you." Hope laughs and Lizzie smiles at the sight. They spend the next thirty minutes finishing the movie and to Hope's surprise, Lizzie doesn't seem scared at all once it's finished. The food arrives and they start a movie of Lizzie's choice, since it's only fair, and begin to unwind.

"So," Lizzie begins as she throws her legs over Hope's lap- who is now sitting up so that she can eat her food, Lizzie is sitting next to her but obviously sprawling out. Hope looks up from her food to pay attention to the blonde while she talks. "How are things?

"Good," Hope nods and absentmindedly rubs Lizzie's lower thighs. "Now that I have my cookies."

The blonde rolls her eyes and chuckles. "Of course, Mikaelson."

"I'm gonna hop in the bath, care to join?"

"What? The movie just started! Have fun without me." Lizzie scoffs and grabs the TV remote so that she can turn it up a bit more.

"Will do." Hope shrugs and pats Lizzie's legs so that the taller girl can move them out of the way and she can get up. "Don't miss me too much."

**_Quick, quick, quick, let's go, kiss me and take off your clothes. Imagine a world like that._ **

Hope starts to get undressed right in front of Lizzie even though the bathroom is down the hall to the left. Lizzie knows it's just because Hope wants her to join, so she does her best to ignore her until the shorter girl straddles her.

"Liz?"

"Hmm?" Lizzie's trying to keep her cool.

"Join me," She starts at her earlobe and leaves a trail of kisses and nibbles all the way down to the base of her neck. "Please?" Hope asks before taking Lizzie's lips into hers. 

"Fuck it," Lizzie mumbles before grasping Hope's cheeks and kissing her back. She takes her bottom lip between her teeth and lightly sucks on it until Hope lets out a moan. Hope breaks the kiss as she grips the bottom of Lizzie's t-shirt and pulls it over her head, throwing it across the room somewhere.

"Let's go," Hope demands as Lizzie kisses her neck. Both of them feel like they're in heaven.

...

_**We go like up til' I'm sleep on your chest, love how my face fits so good in your neck. Why can't you imagine a world like that?** _

After an eventful bath both Lizzie and Hope are worn out. They're sprawled out on Lizzie's bed, Hope spooning Lizzie, of course. Lizzie's face is nestled into the crook of Hope's neck and the shorter girl has her arms wrapped around the blonde while Lizzie's arms are loosely thrown across Hope's waist. Hope thinks about how domestic they're being and recalls her earlier thoughts, smiling a bit.

"What's got you all smiley?" Lizzie questions, half asleep.

"Nothing. I just really like being the big spoon." Hope half-jokes. She really does love being the big spoon, but they both know that's not what has her grinning. "This all just feels so natural, you know? It's like we're in our own little world."

Lizzie nods because she's too tired to muster up a response and Hope gives her a kiss on the forehead. "You can go to sleep, babe."

"Babe?" Lizzie manages to question despite her sleepy state.

"Yeah, problem?"

"Not at all."   
  


 


	3. needy

**_If you take too long to hit me back_ **   
**_I can't promise you how I'll react_ **   
**_But all I can say is at least I'll wait for you_ **

Hope and Lizzie are dating now. Four months strong, about seven if you count all of the time they spent fooling around before deciding to make things official. Things are good, but Lizzie can't help but have her moments where she's insecure and vulnerable. Hope understands, she gets them too, but both girls are worried about two totally different things.

Lizzie's afraid that Hope will up and leave one day, declare that she's found better or can do better and never look back. She's not necessarily the jealous type, but she does get a little paranoid when Hope doesn't contact her for the majority of the day. She's patient and respects her space anyway because she knows that Hope doesn't like to feel suffocated. Sometimes she slips and presses Hope about ignoring her. She's trying though, Hope knows that.

Hope, on the other hand, is afraid of letting Lizzie too close. How much closer can she really get? They've known each other for years, have been dating for months and are best friends. It's like she and Lizzie are set for life and that's the scary part of this. When Hope finds safety, security and a home in someone they leave. Or die. Or she puts them in danger. She's like a magnet that draws people close just to have them ripped away. Hope can't take it anymore. She was lucky when she found out Landon is a phoenix, at least he can't die on her and that was always slightly reassuring.

But Lizzie isn't Landon. She's apart of a fucked up coven and some of the witch community literally believes that she and Josie are abominations, so yeah, Hope is fucking worried. She spends some days just isolated, stuck with thoughts of how dangerous she is to everyone she loves and thinking of ways to protect them. She knows it pisses Lizzie off but she can't help it thinking alone really helps her sort herself out.

**_Lately, I've been on a roller coaster_ **   
**_Tryna get a hold of my emotions_ **   
**_But all that I know_ **   
**_Is I need you close_ **

Both of them are going through their own emotional turmoil, they both need each other around to keep them grounded. They're one another's anchor, and though they're doing a great job of being there for each other Hope is having a hard time communicating how she feels because she doesn't want Lizzie to spend all of her time reassuring Hope that she's safe and not going anywhere.

So she's been trying to sort things out on her own. She's been extra clingy around Lizzie lately but in her own head a lot trying to dismiss the thoughts of the girl possibly leaving her one day. In the worst way(s) possible.

**_And I'ma scream and shout for what I love_ **   
**_Passionate, but I don't give no fucks_ **   
**_I admit that I'm a lil' messed up_ **   
**_But I can hide it when I'm all dressed up_ **

Lizzie approaches Hope's door and knocks three times, waiting for her girlfriend to emerge from her apartment. Hope slightly opens the door and peeks out a bit, checking who it is.

"Babe?" She asks and opens the door to let Lizzie in. "I didn't know you were coming over." The shorter girl doesn't mind though, Hope is happy to see the blonde but they usually shoot each other a text or call when they stop by.

"Yeah," Lizzie plops down on the couch. "I was... in the neighborhood. Let's go out."

"What?" Hope asks as she takes a seat next to Lizzie. The shorter girl has on boxers, her hair is in a messy bun and her t-shirt has a few soda stains on it. She honestly isn't in the mood to go out, and her appearance screams so.

"Babe, you've been in the house for days. I'm worried about you, let's go. We can go for a walk, to the mall, I'll treat us to dinner. Whatever you want!" Lizzie offers. "Just... please," The taller girl pouts.

"Fine." Hope nods. "You're lucky you're cute when you pout," She pecks Lizzie on the lips before getting up to get ready.

Hope knows Lizzie is right, she's been spiraling down lately but she can't help it. She's in her head too much, maybe being out of the house with Lizzie will help though. Lizzie almost always knows what'll help her girl and that's another reason why Hope adores and appreciates her so much. She's passionate to help other people and fights to make sure that her loved ones are okay even if she isn't.

And honestly, Lizzie isn't okay.

She thinks that Hope is pulling away from her because she's not good enough, or something. It's literally driving her insane. She knows that she can be needy, selfish, clingy or even just a downright bitch sometimes but Hope is the only person who has ever helped her feel like she's tolerable and worthy. She doesn't understand.

**_Sorry if I'm up and down a lot_ **   
**_Sorry that I think I'm not enough_ **   
**_And sorry if I say "sorry" way too much_ **

Maybe her episodes are driving Hope away, or maybe just her attitude. Lizzie knows she can be a lot to deal with, she gets it, but why won't her girlfriend just talk to her?

"Hey babe, you okay?" Hope asks, finally making her way out of her bedroom dressed and ready to go. Lizzie's been zoning out the entire time, yikes.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Lizzie stands up. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Maybe the mall?" Hope suggests as she takes ahold of Lizzie's hand and uses her other hand to lock her apartment door. Lizzie nods and leads them to her car where she opens the door for Hope before getting in herself.

"You okay, Liz? You seem to be lost in your thoughts today." Hope squeezes her hand once they're situated in the car and on the road. They've been driving for about fifteen minutes and Hope notices how unusually quiet Lizzie is being.

"Sorry, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind." Hope nods. "Hey, um, we're good right?" Lizzie glances at Hope and then back at the road.

"What? Yeah, of course, we're good. We're amazing, actually. Why?" Hope questions. "Is something wrong?"

"No, sorry. I'm sorry I shouldn't have even asked, it was dumb." Lizzie brushes it off and turns the radio up a bit.

"Hey, stop saying sorry. It's okay. You never have to apologize for wondering about us or feeling a certain way. Especially with how I've been acting lately- I've been distant, I know that. But I want you to know none of that is because of you. It's all me- I've been sorting through some shit and you know how I can get.  _I'm_  sorry. But you've been my anchor," Hope explains and kisses Lizzie's hand before placing it back on the wheel. "I appreciate you and adore you so very much Liz. You're okay and we're okay." Hope reassures. "Right?" Now it's her turn to ask.

"Yeah," Lizzie smiles. "You're right. Thank you for always reassuring me."

**_You can go ahead and call me selfish_ **   
**_But after all this damage, I can't help it_ **   
**_But what you can trust is I need your touch_ **

They pull into the parking lot for the mall and Hope jumps out before Lizzie can get around and open the door for her causing the taller girl to roll her eyes. Lizzie's about to open her door when Hope swings it open, grinning at her.

"Looks like I beat you to it," She shrugs and closes the door behind Lizzie once she's out of the car.

"Hmm, I guess so."

"Can we get ice cream?" Hope asks as she grabs Lizzie's hand and leads her into the mall.

"Anything you want, baby. Unless you want that nasty ass smoothie you got last time we were here because there's no way I'm buying that." Lizzie laughs and Hope just smiles, enjoying the sight. They make it to the ice cream place and Hope orders her and the blonde's usual.

Hope thinks back to the conversation they had in the car and ponders on what she said to Lizzie about how she's been her anchor. Lizzie really has been the anchor for Hope and the shorter girl feels so selfish knowing that Lizzie's been questioning their relationship and if Hope is okay yet Hope still remains distant. She knows it's wrong to still be clingy and keep Lizzie close but not let her know how she feels and why she's been acting weird. She knows, but she ignores it anyway. For now at least.

Hope thinks about her father and how similar she's acting to him right now. He used to do the same thing and now she's taking after him. Great. Looks like childhood trauma has really fucked her over after all.

Lizzie grabs their order from the employee and guides Hope to their regular booth. "Can I have some of yours?" The blonde asks.

"Babe," Hope groans. "You do this every time! Why don't you just get what I order, we always end up switching because 'some' of mine becomes all of it." Hope laughs as she switches bowls with her girlfriend. "Here, let me give you some."

Lizzie hums in approval as Hope feeds her the ice cream. "That's good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Lizzie leans in to kiss Hope. The shorter girl pulls Lizzie in close by her shirt and lets her lips linger on Lizzie's for a second longer after they break apart. They smile at each other and finish their ice cream.

...

**_I'm obsessive and I love too hard_ **   
**_Good at overthinking with my heart_ **   
**_How you even think it got this far?_ **   
**_This far_ **

Hope's going away. Not for long, just for a few weeks to spend time with her family and clear her head. Mystic Falls is great, especially since it's where Lizzie is but New Orleans will always be her home. Freya, Keelin, Marcel, and Rebekah are expecting Hope in a few hours, the problem is, Lizzie's still trying to convince her to stay.

"Babe, are you sure you can't stay? Or at least come back a bit early? What if something happens?" Lizzie pleads. "I know you have to go but I just--"

"Liz, I'll be okay. I promise we'll talk every day and I'll keep you updated. This is going to go better than you think, I'm going to come back with a clear head and a huge smile. Okay?"

Lizzie usually always trusts her hearts instinct when it comes to Hope. This time, though, her heart is telling her things won't be okay. She feels sick. She can't help but feel like Hope is trying to get away from her rather than take some time for herself. But she's just being clingy and needy. She shakes it off and nods.

"Okay."

Hope kisses her on the forehead. The shorter girl can say the same for herself. When she loves, she loves hard. Wait. Did she just confess to loving Lizzie to herself? Shit. She's in deep.

Hope usually trusts her hearts instinct too, but, this time she's overthinking what her hearts been telling her. Way too much. She loves Lizzie for fucks sake. What happens every time she lets someone in? What happens to the people she loves? Well, you know... But that's why she needs this trip. New Orleans will help her, she knows it.

**_I can be needy, way too damn needy_ **   
**_Tell me how good it feels to be needed_ **   
**_I can be needy, so hard to please me_ **   
**_I know it feels so good to be needed_ **

The brunette knows Lizzie considers herself needy. Really, it's the other way around. Hope needs Lizzie. To keep her grounded and give her unconditional love. Even if Lizzie hasn't said that she's in love with Hope, the short girl knows that her girlfriend loves her. For them, it's just something that doesn't need to be said.

They both have walls protecting them and high expectations but yet here they are. With each other. Hope knows they're it for each other, she just knows it. That's also why she knows this trip will work out okay.

"Okay, baby. I gotta head out. I'll call you in a bit." Hope makes her way to the front door. Lizzie nods in understanding but doesn't say anything. She doesn't have much left to say, she just takes Hope in her arms and hugs her hard. Hope smiles into the hug and they remain like that for a few minutes, just indulging in the moment.

"Be safe!" Lizzie demands and opens the door for her girlfriend.

"Duh," Hope quips and pecks Lizzie as she leaves.

Lizzie watches her go.


	4. NASA

"Hey, babe," Hope greets Lizzie over facetime. "How's it going at home? Am I missing anything big?"

"Not that I know of," Lizzie shrugs. "It's been boring without you." 

Hope nods in response and sighs, looking around her bedroom. This house feels so empty without her parents here, she kind of wishes she'd stayed in Mystic Falls. She knows nothing special is going on in Mystic Falls but Lizzie seems to be enjoying herself according to all of her Instagram posts and snapchats. Hope isn't jealous or anything, she just wasn't expecting Lizzie to take the space apart so well- especially since she was the one begging Hope to stay. It seems like the roles have been reversed.

"Well, I miss you," Hope confesses. "Everyone went out shopping and it made me think of you and how you love to take shopping trips. It's just not the same without you."

"Aw, babe," Lizzie smiles. "I miss you too. Don't let me stop you from having fun or clearing your head, though! How is that going, by the way?"

Hope grimaces a bit but luckily Lizzie doesn't notice. She's only been in New Orleans for a week and the whole trying to clear her head thing just isn't working out. She thought being around her family would help her feel better and more secure about herself and her relationship, but all she can think about is how Lizzie deserves better than her and how even if she does get her shit together, she's putting Lizzie in danger. She's spiraling down a hole she's not sure she can stop.

"It's good," Hope lies. "I'll be back in no time."

"Good... I know you're gonna be okay, babe. And Hope?"

"Yeah?" Hope smiles.

"I love you. Call me later, okay?" Lizzie smiles before she hangs up. Hope is dumbfounded. Did Lizzie just say that she loves her? In like... a romantic way? Hope didn't even get to say it back! She's not surprised though, Lizzie doesn't wait to do important things. She sets her mind on something and gets it done. That's one thing Hope loves about the girl. Because, yes, she loves Lizzie too.

**_I'd rather be alone tonight. You can say 'I love you' through the phone tonight._ **

Hope is currently sitting on the couch, bored out of her mind. She's tried to reach Lizzie a dozen of times but her girlfriend is off partying so she's barely been checking her phone. Hope is glad Lizzie's enjoying herself, though. At least one of them is.

Lizzie is trying to take a selfie when Hope's name flashes across her screen. She's a little annoyed that her selfie got interrupted but is happy to hear from her. "Hey, babe. What's up?"

"Hey!" Hope chirps, jumping up from her slouching position on the couch. "Wow, I didn't think you'd answer."

Lizzie chuckles at how enthusiastic Hope sounds to be hearing from her and makes her way into a bathroom where it's quieter so that she can actually talk to her girlfriend. "Well, yeah, you called at the perfect time. I was taking a selfie. I haven't really been on my phone tonight, I'm sorry. I know we usually talk all night until we fall asleep. Don't think I'll be home early enough for that," Lizzie says softly, bracing for Hope's reaction. She feels bad because she knows that Hope obviously isn't enjoying her time in New Orleans or getting better mentally. She thought she would be like a lost puppy without Hope but honestly, she's thriving tonight.

Don't get her wrong, Lizzie loves talking to her girlfriend every night and she sure does miss her- but she forgot how good it felt to have a girls night and just sit back and enjoy herself. Alone. She knows that just this night for herself won't hurt. 

"Oh," Hope says flatly and Lizzie knows that she's upset. "That's okay, baby. I figured you were out partying anyway. We'll just talk tomorrow. Make sure to send me plenty of pictures and enjoy yourself."

"I will," Lizzie smiles. She's happy Hope isn't mad at her or anything. Not like she has a reason to, but still. You never know.

"And Lizzie," Hope says suddenly. "I love you too. So much. I didn't expect our first time saying it while in a relationship to be over the phone but that's okay. We can make up for that when I get back. Goodnight."

**_Think I'm better off here all alone tonight. Ain't no checkin' on when I get home tonight, just makin' sure I'm good on my own tonight. Even though there isn't nothin' wrong tonight._ **

It's Hope's second week in New Orleans and to sum things up... it sucks. She's been distancing herself from Lizzie- ironic, right? She's also ignoring confronting her family about the insecurities and the real reasoning why she came to visit in the first place. Hope's a mess, she knows, but sometimes you gotta fall to get back up and yadda yadda. At this point, she honestly is starting to not care.

Being alone has been good and bad for Hope. Mostly bad, but at least she's done a lot of reflecting. At least she knows everything she's doing wrong and why she shouldn't do them. Is she going to stop, though? No. Is she going to get the help she needs? No.

Actually, tonight is one of her better nights. There isn't anything in particular that she's sulking over so she's having a 'self-care' night, she likes to call it. At the bar. With lots of drinks. Alone. Her phone is on silent and her worries are being stored away elsewhere. Tonight is about her. She enjoys not having company during times like this.

"Hope?"

The auburn-haired girl groans in annoyance before turning to see who's addressing her. She's currently on her fourth drink and has a nice buzz, she's not sure what time it is but she's ranted to the bartender about five times now- who would be approaching someone who is clearly in distress? Her eyebrows raise once she sees who it is.

"Oh. Roman," She throws back some of her drink. "Surprised to see you here."

"Uh, yeah. I'm in town for a bit." He replies awkwardly, taking the seat next to Hope. She doesn't react, just stares at him until he speaks up again. "Are you... okay? You seem to be going through something," He motions toward her drink. 

"I'm fine!" Hope exclaims in defense. "Yeah, I'm great." She pokes her lips out and slouches a bit, leaning on the counter. "Hey, do you wanna buy me a drink?" She suddenly asks and beckons the bartender over to them.

"No. But I will pay for your ride home, or better yet drop you off myself. You're drunk, Hope." Roman offers and sends the bartender away. Hope rolls her eyes and stands up, straightening herself out. 

"Yeah, no. I'll find my own ride home since you wanna be a buzz kill. Don't bother calling me or coming over to check on me, I will be ignoring you and everyone else. See ya," Hope declares and makes her way out of the bar and far away from anyone that knows her.

_**I just think I'm on another page tonight. It ain't nothing wrong with saying I need me time. Usually, I would orbit around you but gravity seems to be the only thing that's pulling me. You'll be my rise and shine soon as them stars align.** _

Typically, Lizzie would be freaking out and literally throwing a fit if Hope is acting distant with her. Not because she's a selfish brat or because she's a controlling partner or anything. But because she's always so dependant on Hope. She realizes that now. Which is why she's not freaking out about Hope pulling away from her. She figures maybe she finally started enjoying herself and just needs time for herself. Lizzie gets it, really. She's been relishing in her 'me time' and is on some sort of self-discovery path. 

She knows she and her girlfriend will be okay after they both get their heads out of their asses.

_**You don't wanna leave me but I'm tryna self-discover. Keep me in your orbit and you know you'll drag me under.** _

Another week later and Hope is home now. She honestly wasn't even expecting to stay in New Orleans as long as she did, but she guesses that's what happens when you spend all of your time blowing off the important shit and having a mental breakdown accompanied by alcohol and an ex-boyfriend. You know what they say, time flies when you're having fun.

Lizzie was totally not expecting her shift in behavior. Like, Hope was distant before or whatever but never this bad. The girl just seems to never have energy- around her at least- and when she does they end up arguing about Lizzie going out- alone. It ends up being about how Lizzie just wants to 'escape' Hope. The taller girl honestly doesn't know what to do.

She's confused, really. How can she not be? It's like Hope is playing tug of war with her- one side wanting Lizzie all to herself and not wanting her to go anywhere and the other side respecting and understanding Lizzie's decisions and trying to do the best for her. It sucks, because, now Lizzie is stuck in the middle and waiting to see which side of her girlfriend will win. She really hopes it's the latter.

**_Baby, I can't really miss you if I'm with you and when I miss you, it'll change the way I kiss you. Baby, you know time apart is beneficial, It's like I'm the universe and you'll be N-A-S-A._ **

Let's just say the better side of Hope didn't win.

She's currently at home sobbing on her living room floor because she can only think of one thing to do. She hears the keys to her apartment door jingle and the door unlocks but she doesn't get up even though she feels like running until she's far away. She doesn't look up even though she knows her girlfriend is here. She doesn't do anything, she can't. She can only sit and wallow in her self-pity because she knows what she has to do and she hates it.

"Hope?" Lizzie rushes over to her girlfriend after she hears her sob. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Hope still doesn't budge. Her head is resting on her arms which are crossed over her bawled up knees. She's leaning against the couch, she Lizzie doesn't see her until she makes her way around the couch. The taller girl slides down next to Hope and isn't sure whether or not she should try to comfort her, so she just sits there instead.

"I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'm a horrible girlfriend, a horrible best friend- just a horrible person in general! How could you even deal with me? God, Lizzie, you deserve so much better!" Hope exclaims after a few minutes of silence. Lizzie looks a little shocked at her outburst.

"What? Hope, no. You're amazing. Whatever you're going through right now we can get through, together. No more giving each other the cold shoulder, I promise! But you are not a horrible person," Lizzie moves to hold Hope's hand but she pulls away and shakes her head.

"No. I am. You don't get it," She lifts her head to speak.

"You're right, Hope. I don't get it. We were just fine a few months ago,  _you_ were fine. What am I missing, babe? Did something happen?" Lizzie's trying to figure out and piece together when things started to go wrong in her head. Yeah, Hope has been a little distant for a little while now but were things really this bad? 

"Yes! You happened. I'm in love with you, Lizzie. And everyone I love gets hurt in some way or another. I come from a family where anything we love is automatically in jeopardy. Please, let me just make this easy for you." Hope says through her tears, her voice cracking. Lizzie feels her stomach twist. Her eyes widen a bit and she feels a strain in her chest.

"Oh." She gasps. "You're breaking up with me." She states, already knowing the answer. It feels like her heart is about to implode and she can feel the tears threatening to pour out of her eyes. "You're in love with me but you're leaving me," Lizzie chuckles dryly. "What did I do?"

"Oh god, nothing! Lizzie none of this is your fault. None of it. This is all me." Hope tries to reassure Lizzie but she's sure the blonde isn't listening to a word she says right now. "I mean what I said. I do love you. But right now me staying with you is only hurting you. I can't keep hurting you, Liz. Let me get myself together." Hope sounds like she's pleading to Lizzie. Neither girl is not sure what she's pleading for. Forgiveness? Understanding? For Lizzie to stay around her regardless? They're not sure but Lizzie isn't about to stick around to find out. She collects her jacket from the couch and throws her keys down on the ground, storming out without a word to Hope.

She watches her go.


	5. in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this hurt...

**"Here's the thing: you're in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix."** Josie sighs and it's silent for a second, the turning signal for the car the only noise being heard. **"Uh, the only person you can fix** **is** **yourself. I love you, this has gone on way too long. Enough is enough. I'm two blocks away. I'm coming over."**

Lizzie stares at the phone as Josie hangs up. The blonde twin feels empty. It's been two weeks since Hope dumped her. Can you believe it? Hope  _dumped_  her. She's not sure what she expected, really. All of the signs were there. Emotional distance then literal distance. She just can't believe that she lost her best friend and her girlfriend all in one hit.

It's a lot. The blonde wants to scream, shout, hit something, lock herself in her room and cry until she can't anymore. Technically, she's tried all of these things- but still, nothing can satisfy the intense emptiness she's experiencing right now. First, it was sadness, then anger, then sadness again and now... it's noting.

And Lizzie hates feeling nothing.

Josie, Penelope, and MG have been checking on her regularly. She appreciates it but they can only say so much before Lizzie snaps on one of them and tells them to leave her alone. Just a few days ago week Penelope was trying to get Lizzie out of her room and she just kept on nagging and nagging so Lizzie yelled at her, telling her that she's the most annoying person Lizzie knows and that she needs to just leave her alone. It just made the blonde cry more because she feels like she's been a horrible friend lately. Penelope didn't take anything to heart, she just climbed into bed with Lizzie and watched movies with her until she fell asleep. 

Unsurprisingly, Lizzie hasn't spoken to or heard anything about or from Hope. She can't help but hope she's okay and wonders how she's been taking everything. If she's even hurt or cares at all. If she even cares about Lizzie anymore. Lizzie has tried to ask Penelope and MG about how the auburn-haired girl has been doing but they shut her down each time, claiming that she's okay but Lizzie just needs to focus on herself right now. They're right, but still. Lizzie wants to know the truth.

Some days are easier than others, though. Lately, her friends and sister have been able to cheer her up to the point where she can forget about Hope and everything that has happened recently. Not today, though. Just a few minutes ago she starting having a breakdown and ruined a few dishes but she's trying to calm herself down, so she called the first person she could think of. Well, maybe the second. Josie. 

Lizzie sighs before throwing her legs over the side of the beg and forcing herself out. She can't keep living like this. She brushes her teeth and hair before making her way to the kitchen to start cleaning up the mess she's made.

**_Painted a picture; I thought I knew you well, I got a habit of seeing what isn't there. Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets._ **

While cleaning the tall girl thinks back to what Josie said on the phone. Is Lizzie really just in love with a version of Hope? If she was asked if she really knew Hope a few months ago she would look at whoever is asking like they're insane, because the blonde swore up and down that she knew Hope better than anyone. Better than Hope knows Hope. Right now it just seems like she has been seeing what she's wanted to see the last two months. 

She thinks back to when she and Hope decided to make things official and what even led them to that point. Sex definitely plays a huge role in things, maybe she's just been blinded by lust the entire time? Maybe all of the pillow talks really got to her and led her to believe a side of Hope that Hope doesn't even believe in herself.

_**When you broke my heart, I said you only wanted half of me.** _

Lizzie figures that Hope probably just wanted to keep her around for the last few months because she's easy to lean on. She's always there for Hope, even if she can't be there for herself and that must be the reason why Hope kept dragging Lizzie along even though she knew what was going to happen eventually. Lizzie can't help but feel angry at how Hope only appreciated certain parts of her while she appreciates all of Hope. Even now, even after the girl has broken her fucking heart. 

"Ouch," Lizzie hisses as the doorbell rings and she cuts her palm on a piece of glass. "Fuck." She must've been zoning out for a while because she didn't even realize that Josie would be showing up so soon. She's not even done cleaning. The blonde rushes to finish throwing away all of the glass and rinses off her hand with some rubbing alcohol, grabbing some bandage as she opens the door.

"Hey," Lizzie greets.

"Hi. Hey did you do something to--" Josie walks past her twin into the apartment. "- Oh my god, Lizzie! What happened to your hand?" She asks once she turns around to face Lizzie. "That must've been why I had a stinging sensation in my hand."

Lizzie eyes the hand that she's currently bandaging and rolls her eyes after seeing how Josie is eyeing her. "Would you relax? I didn't do this on purpose, okay? I was cleaning up the broken dishes. Sorry, you had to experience the pain too."

Josie visibly relaxes and nods her head. "Okay. So, what's for dinner?"

"What?"

"What's for dinner?" Josie repeats. 

"Uh, I don't know. You're welcome to cook," Lizzie eyes Josie weirdly. Does she seriously think she's going to make dinner right now? With an injured hand? As if Josie is reading her mind she glances down at her hand and raises her brows.

"Aw, come on. You'll manage. I'll help!" She offers and Lizzie sighs, nodding her head.

"Sure. Wanna invite the gang over too?"

Josie smiles and hurriedly unlocks her phone, calling Penelope and telling her to come to Lizzie's with MG. Lizzie smiles but feels a pang in her chest when she realizes that I actually won't be the full gang. Hope isn't here. 

**_My imagination's too creative, they see demon, I see angel. Without the halo, wingless angel._ **

Once Penelope and MG arrive, Josie and Lizzie quickly throw together some dinner and they all get settled in the living room. They're telling stories from high school and reminiscing about how things were back at the Salvatore School. Lizzie's mind can't help but drift to how so many people were afraid of Hope once they found out who her father is. They claimed she was evil too, and that nothing good could ever come from Klaus Mikaelson. Lizzie declared that they're all wrong a long time ago. She's always seen Hope as her angel. Maybe Hope isn't as innocent as she thought, though. 

"... Lizzie? Did you hear me?" MG asks, laughing.

"Sorry, what?"

Penelope sighs and shakes her head, leaning closer to the coffee table. "Hey, babe, can you go and get the wine?"

_**Wanted you to grow, but, girl, you wasn't budding. Everything you are made you everything you aren't- I saw your potential without seein' credentials. Maybe that's the issue. Can't hold that shit against you, guess I did it to myself, thought you were somebody else.** _

Josie nods her head and makes her way to Lizzie's liquor cabinet. It's not a special cabinet or anything, it's just where Lizzie stores all of the alcohol and there's plenty of choose from lately. Josie grabs two bottles and a few glasses, making her way back to the living room.

"Here you go," She says as she offers Penelope a glass and passes Lizzie and MG theirs, keeping one for herself.

"Well," Penelope starts, pouring a glass and throwing half of it back. Lizzie follows her lead and fills the glass up again, giving Penelope a questioning glance. "Ask me what you want about Hope, Lizzie. If that's what'll really make you feel better, fine."

"Penelope-" Josie warns but MG interrupts her.

"- No, maybe she's right, Jo. If this is what Lizzie needs for now then fine," He nods and Josie shakes her head in disapproval, taking a long sip of her wine. Penelope glances at her girlfriend before diverting her attention back to Lizzie. Josie might be a little mad at her but she'll get over it. If this is what Lizzie needs then so be it.

"I- Uh," Lizzie struggles to find the right words. "Do you guys think Hope just wants to drop me... like, cause I'm not good enough?" She finds the courage to voice her insecurities. Penelope and MG give her an absurd look and she feels small under their gaze.

"What? No. Lizzie, are you insane? Hope is--"

"-- Hope wouldn't," Penelope cuts MG off, glaring at him. Lizzie wonders about what he was going to say. 

"Well then what is it? Guys, seriously, I don't get it. Do you think she cheated?" Lizzie's on her fourth glass of wine now and Josie prys the bottle from her hands as she talks. "I- I don't want to think she cheated."

"Liz, no," MG says. 

"Do you really think she could do something like that?" Penelope asks softly. Lizzie's not sure if she's asking because she knows Hope would never cheat on Lizzie or if she's asking because she's not sure herself.

Lizzie shrugs. How can she know what Hope or is not capable of at this point? She thought she was capable of putting communication first after the incident where Lizzie stopped talking to Hope for a few months because she let her feelings get the best of her. Lizzie thought Hope would never want to go through anything like that again. But now Lizzie knows how it feels to be on the receiving end on the stick... only ten times worse. 

She lets out a long, heavy, sigh. Lizzie believed Hope was going to change for her. For them. They both made a pledge to work on their issues, including communication, and do it together. Lizzie is holding up her end of the deal but now she's left hanging. Maybe it's what the blonde deserves. After all, it's not like Hope encouraged Lizzie to believe in her. Lizzie just did, because that's what a good girlfriend and a good best friend does. She can't blame Hope for not turning out to be what she imagined she would be like after they finally got together.

"No, I just- I don't know what to think. Right now I just need to think she's the bad guy. Let me think that," Lizzie explains and finishes the rest of her wine. Josie furrows her brows and starts her second glass of wine.

"I'm confused... is she not the bad guy?"

"I don't think she's trying to be," MG defends Hope.

"Well, maybe she should try a bit harder. Look, Lizzie, I love you and don't get me wrong, I love Hope. But her excuses aren't enough. Not for me. And they shouldn't be enough for you either," Josie says and chugs her glass down.

_**Yeah, look at you, girl, I invented you. Gucci tennis shoes runnin' from your issues. Cardio good for the heart, I figured we can work it out, hmm.** _

"Josie, relax," Penelope eyes MG knowingly. "I know you're upset on Lizzie's behalf- you should be, and we all are, but this--"

"-- No, you know what?" Lizzie turns and smiles at her twin. "I think you're right, Jo. Her excuses aren't good enough. Not after everything we've been through. I have to ask one last question though. How is she really?"

Penelope sighs and opens the second bottle of wine, taking a chug straight from the bottle. "You want me to be honest? She's good. Better than someone should be after a breakup like yours. She hasn't talked about what happened, why it happened, or even about herself. I think she's just ignoring the situation."

Lizzie scoffs and shakes her head. Of course, is ignoring the situation. She's always ignoring a situation when it gets to be too much for her. If only Lizzie had the same luxury of being able to ignore her emotions when things get too overwhelming and act normal instead of having outbursts and being forced to acknowledge how she feels. 

"She's been partying and shopping a lot lately, too. It's kind of... concerning?" MG adds, studying Lizzie's reactions. Lizzie squints her eyes and her mouth drops open a bit. Seriously? Hope is totally using her coping mechanisms.

"That sounds a lot like something Lizzie would do..." Josie points out.

"Because it is!" Lizzie exclaims. "That's literally what I do when I'm upset! I bet she goes to the same spots I do too." Penelope and MG exchange a look and Lizzie can't believe what she's hearing. "So she does? How anymore unoriginal can she get?"

_**Falling, falling, but I thought that you would need me. Falling, falling, needed something to believe in, I thought that you were the one. But it was all in my head.** _

Lizzie may be fuming on the outside but really, on the inside, she's breaking. She's in love with Hope- and Hope claimed to be in love with her too before she threw their relationship away. Lizzie isn't surprised, or really upset, that Hope picked up some coping mechanisms from her, she just... always thought she'd be able to cope with Hope, not because of her. She's been so wrapped up in her relationship with Hope that she hasn't even realized she needs to use some of those coping mechanisms herself. In some twisted way believing that she and Hope could last forever was Lizzie's way of coping, for a while. But now Lizzie's head is out of her ass.

"Okay, enough about Hope." Lizzie declares.

_**It was all in my head.** _


	6. bad idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bear with me, i warned you guys that this isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows- and that's really displayed in this chapter and the next. but i think you guys will appreciate the suspense and heartache, so pls, bear with me! enjoy

Two months and eleven days. That's how long it's been since Lizzie and Hope last heard from each other. In other words, since their breakup.

_**I've been outta sight, I've been worried 'bout you lately. Runnin' outta time, wishin' you would come and save me.** _

Hope has been... busy, to say the least. She's been doing her best to ignore Lizzie, of course, and dancing around the topic of their relationship whenever their friends bring it up. It's been difficult, but it's working so far and that's all that matters. Lizzie is safe and Hope is ignoring her emotions. A win... sort of win? 

Or at least it was a win-win for awhile. Hope heard that Lizzie's been having a really rough week because her mom is leaving the country for a bit. She knows how hard not having Caroline around is for Lizzie- the urge to check up on her is sickening but she's doing her best to fight it. She can feel herself getting closer and closer to losing control and just do it anyway. She kind of wishes Lizzie would just run into her first so that way she doesn't have to bruise her ego by breaking the promise she's made to herself. 

**_Cause I don't wanna roll with it, tryna get control of it. Why can't I let go of it? Gotta find somebody quickly._ **

"Hey, here's your drink."

"Thanks," Hope smirks and throws back the liquid in the tall glass. "You make for good company."

One of the ways Hope has been keeping herself occupied is by different suitors. No one can replace Lizzie, of course, but people sure do make for good distractions. As bad as it sounds, it works, so fuck it. Currently, she's at a local bar with Roman since he's staying in Mystic Falls for a few days. 

"I know," He replies smoothly.

The thing about having random flings, though, is that Hope can take control of these 'relationships'. There's nothing serious about them, at least not for her, and she can just do as she pleases. She determined that's what she likes most about friends with benefits awhile ago. Being in control has definitely come in handy recently after breaking up with Lizzie. If she starts to think about the gorgeous blonde then she just moves onto the next fling available. Luckily, this time around, she didn't have to search too hard. Roman is right at her fingertips.

"So... I was thinking we could get some food in a bit, head back to my place? Maybe watch a few movies?" Roman suggests. Hope is about to respond when something by the door catches her attention. A flash of blonde hair and... overalls? It has to be Lizzie. Only she can pull off overalls anywhere and anytime. Hope gulps, hard, and she zones Roman out completely as she tries to focus on the group seating themselves.

Dumb luck. Hope swears she has some serious dumb fucking luck. It's Lizzie fucking Saltzman sitting at a booth towards the back of the bar. Hope honestly can't believe it. Well, she can but she can't. It's times like this she regrets not leaving this disturbingly small town- but also cherishes how small it is at the same time.  

"Uh, Hope?" Roman asks dumbly.

**_I got a bad idea, how 'bout we take a little bit of time away? I got a bad idea. Forget about it, yeah, forget about him, yeah, forget about me._ **

Hope knows it's insane, inconsiderate, selfish, and about twenty other things that's right up Hope's alley right now, but she doesn't care. She going to talk to Lizzie. She has to. It's like fate or some shit like that.

"One second, Roman," Hope dismisses whatever he is talking about as she gets out of her seat and makes her way to Lizzie's table after about ten minutes of seeing her. Lizzie doesn't notice Hope until the auburn-haired girl is hovering over her and she looks up, mouth agape at who it is standing in front of her.

"Hey," Hope blurts out. Her eyes are wide and her mouth dry.

Lizzie squints her eyes and Hope can tell she's close to losing her temper. Understandable, really.

"Can we talk? Please?" Hope begs. Josie and another girl that Lizzie is with eye Hope suspiciously and she raises her eyebrows. "In private."

"No." Josie answers for her twin.

"Yes," Lizzie nods. "Follow me."

_**I know we shouldn't, baby, but we will. Need somebody, gimme something I can feel.** _

Lizzie leads Hope into one of the bathrooms in the back of the bar and locks the door behind them so that they won't be interrupted. Hope takes the time that Lizzie's facing towards the door to look the taller girl up and down, taking in how good she looks. Damn, she's really missed her.

"What do you want?" Lizzie asks bluntly as she turns around to face Hope. She catches the shorter girl checking her out and scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Unbelievable."

"What?"

"Stop checking me out. You got up and walked out of my life, Hope. You made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me the last few months- so why did you even approach me?"

Hope bites her lip. She really doesn't know how to answer Lizzie.

"I heard you've been having a rough week?" Hope offers as an excuse. Lizzie squints at her once more and she's not so sure she said the right thing.

"Who told you that?"

"Does it matter?" Hope asks, stepping closer to Lizzie. "I hope you've been doing okay. Since... you know. I know it seems like I don't care but I do. I always have and always will, Liz."

"Don't call me that," Lizzie crosses her arms.

"Fine," Hope shrugs and inches a bit closer to Lizzie. The blonde notices but doesn't say anything.

"Are you on a date?" She suddenly asks.

"What?" Hope asks, confusion plastered on her face.

"With Roman. I saw you with him. Are you guys like...?" Lizzie asks insecurely. Hope realizes how fucked up that must look to Lizzie considering Roman popped up in Hope's life again while things were going to shit. Lizzie probably thinks she cheated and is seeing Roman now or something.

"God, no. We're just friends. I didn't even realize that you saw me, I noticed you as soon as you walked in."

"Really?" Lizzie aks and Hope nods, giving her a small smile. "That noticeable?"

"Of course, nobody can rock overalls like you. You look good, Lizzie," Hope looks her over for the umpteenth time. "I mean it."

"I'm sure you do," Lizzie teases her. "I mean, you better. It's the only explanation as to why you've been undressing me with your eyes the entire night." Hope doesn't respond, she just stares at Lizzie for a second. The tension between them is thick. Overbearing, even. 

Without thinking Hope closes the distance between her and Lizzie and grips the back of Lizzie's neck, bringing her head down so that their lips can meet. The kiss is rushed, desperate, and aggressive. It's needed. They both need each other right now, there's no denying it. Hope backs Lizzie into the door and brings her legs around her waist, leaning even more into her ex-girlfriend.

Lizzie breaks away from Hope's lips and moves to her neck instead, leaving a trail of soft bites down one side of her neck to the other. Hope moans and tilts her head to the side, giving Lizzie more space to mark her territory. She moves to bring down one of Lizzie's overall straps so that she has access to her shirt and once the strap is out of her way, she moves to bring her hand underneath Lizzie's shirt and lets her nails dig into Lizzie's stomach a bit.

"Wait," Lizzie groans, pulling away from Hope.

"Hm?" Hope asks, taking the opportunity to move her lips to Lizzie's neck. She sucks on her pulse point and Lizzie swears she can feel her legs go weak, so she's grateful that Hope is holding her up right now.

"Oh my god, Hope- Hope we have to stop." Hope pulls away and looks at Lizzie, putting her down after seeing that she's serious.

"I'm sorry. I just- I missed that a lot. I miss you," Hope confesses. Lizzie feels a pain in her chest at hearing that and forces herself to look away from Hope. She shakes her head as she pulls her overall strap back up. She decides to ignore what Hope just said and plays with her hair a bit, trying to look presentable so that her sister and friend don't ask any questions.

"Sorry, Roman might notice your neck," Lizzie informs Hope before walking out of the bathroom and leaving her alone with her thoughts. Ouch.

"Lizzie fucking Saltzman," Hope chuckles at the complication of the entire situation. She sighs before making her way out of the bathroom too. 

...

_**But, girl, don't trip, you know this isn't real. You should know I'm temporary.** _

"Um," Lizzie rolls to her side. "That was nice."

Hope sighs and smiles, looking up at Lizzie after the blonde spoons her. "Yeah, it was. Wanna see if we can top that? Or rather, if you can top me?" She flirts and leans up to peck Lizzie a few times.

Lizzie chuckles and pulls Hope closer to her. "As nice as that sounds, maybe we should get some dinner or something?" She suggests. She can feel Hope tense up in her arms and she nods, feeling a little upset that Hope still isn't showing interest in actually spending time with her besides sleeping with her. "Or not. That's okay too."

"Lizzie, wait," Hope sits up after Lizzie untangles herself from spooning Hope and gets out of the bed.

"What?" She throws her shirt over her head and starts to put her underwear on, back still turned to Hope.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get the wrong impression right now. I don't want--" Hope tries to explain her shitty behavior.

"-- Me. You don't want me, I get it. Just leave me alone, Hope. I won't keep playing this game with you," Lizzie shakes her head and looks at Hope like she's so disappointed in her. Hope never would've thought that she'd be the one to cause Lizzie so much pain, or be the reason why Lizzie is wearing  _that_  look. It hurts. 

**_I got a bad idea, yeah, I'ma call you over here to numb the pain. I got a bad idea, forget about it, yeah, forget about him, yeah, forget about me._ **

Hope feels bad. Honestly. She knows she shouldn't keep hooking up with Lizzie if she's not ready to do anything else yet, but she can't help it. Hope's an idiot, really. Who even hooks up with their ex that they're still in love with? Especially when the entire reason why they broke up is so that Hope can stay away from her to keep her safe. Or, at least that's what Hope tells herself the reason is.

Hope ignores all of the logical reasons why she shouldn't be doing this, though. She ignores all of that and focuses on being with Lizzie. No one she's been with recently has been able to lessen the pain of not having Lizzie around. So, in order to not hurt anymore, she just calls Lizzie to help. After they saw in each other in the bar a few weeks ago, Hope didn't think there'd be any harm in being around Lizzie again.

That is until they started sleeping together.

Lizzie's not sure why she thought it would be okay. A part of her thought maybe she and Hope could slowly build their relationship back up and start to rekindle. But when Hope started refusing to go anywhere in public she realized that Hope isn't even interested in rebuilding their relationship. She can't be, not if all she does is reject her. Lizzie's ego is starting to get beyond bruised.

"No, Lizzie, wait! Okay, fine. You want to go out?" Hope says exasperated and throws her legs over the bed. "Fine, we'll go out. My treat. Just please don't leave, okay?"Lizzie smiles and nods, putting the rest of her clothes on in a hurry.

Maybe she's just being delusional but, something tells her that this is a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was kind of fun.. ngl


	7. bloodline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is the part where i have no idea what's going on! kidding, i do, but this isn't my best chapter. i wasn't sure how to incorporate bloodline into this story but i did my best and i think it plays a big role, so i hope u guys enjoy! thank u so much for all of the feedback and love! it means a lot.

**_"Because I'm trying to do the best I can. And they can't find something to satisfy me. Ugh,"_**  Hope sighs out, annoyed. "Why am I even here if they don't have what I want?"

"Hope, calm down," Penelope says, brows furrowed. "I'm sure we'll find something that Lizzie will like. What do you have in mind?"

"Honestly, I have no clue. But nothing here is catching my eye, that's for sure," Hope scoffs, reaching out to feel a piece of fabric. She's currently trying to find some nice fabric for a custom design she made for Lizzie a while back. She figured she'd do something nice for Lizzie since things have been going good between them lately and the blonde can use a reminder that Hope appreciates her.

"What about this one?" Penelope asks, holding onto a satin champagne-colored material. Hope eyes it carefully, taking it from Penelope and rubbing it between her fingers to get a feel of it. She nods in approval, giving Penelope a pat on the back.

"Okay, Pen. This'll do. I think she'll like it," Hope smiles. "Use this material for my design. If it's not done by Friday afternoon, I promise no one here will be happy. Have a good night," Hope turns around and shoots the employee that was 'helping' her a fake smile and rolls her eyes as her and Penelope exit the store.

"Hey... are you okay?" Penelope asks once they're seated in Hope's truck. The brunette lets out a sigh and runs a hand through her hair, leaning her head so far back into the seat Penelope is concerned she might break the headrest.

"I'm fine," Hope dismisses as she sits up and starts the car. "I'm just stressed out. What is she doesn't like it or thinks I'm full of shit or something? You know Lizzie," She shoots Penelope a look. "I just want her to know I appreciate her and want to keep her happy."

Penelope nods, thinking carefully about what to say next. "I think she'll love it if I'm being honest. And I think she knows that you appreciate her... things are just complicated. You know you don't have to buy her anything to win her over--"

"-- I'm not trying to win her over-"

"- Or whatever it is that you're trying to do. Look, I know shit is a mess right now. I think this is a nice gesture and I think she'll enjoy it. Don't overthink it or confuse shit even more. Just go with it. Honest," Penelope shrugs, buckling her seatbelt.

"Okay, maybe you're right. I'm taking this way too seriously... I need to chill. Let's grab something to eat?"

"Was hoping you'd say that. Checks on you," Penelope grins and Hope shakes her head, slapping her arm playfully before focusing on the road.

**_Even though you're bad for me, I know. You're the one that I'm thinkin'_ **   
**_Got me feeling so incredible, would you mind maybe linking?_ **

"Hey, Liz," Hope greets, walking into the same shop she was contemplating destroying just a few days ago. She's here to pick up Lizzie's custom outfit and for the staff's sake, it better be ready.

"Hey, Hope. What's up?" She sounds like she just woke up- and she probably did since it's only twelve in the afternoon on a Friday. God, Hope loves when her voice sounds like this.

"Are you busy?" Hope smiles into the phone. In case anyone can't tell, Hope really loves talking to Lizzie.

"Well... not right now. I just woke up, if you can't tell," Lizzie chuckles and Hope swears she gets butterflies at the sound. God, no one should have this much control over her. She's Hope Mikaelson, she shouldn't have a weakness. But... she does.

"Yeah, I can," Hope laughs. "But I mean today. Come out with me later. I have something for you. It's gonna be nice," The brunette offers.

"Yeah?" Lizzie wonders aloud. She has no idea what the hell her and Hope are doing. Now they're hanging out? Just a few weeks ago she was basically begging Hope to give her more attention. Before that they were exes. Now the lines are so blurred... but still, she can't resist Hope- Who is she kidding? She thinks about her all day whenever they're not together. That being said, of course, she's going to link up with Hope later. Even if Hope is bad for her right now.  "Sure. Pick me up at five. Later, Hope."

"Later, Liz." Hope can't help but grin, paying for the outfit and hanging up the phone.

**No, we won't be talking the next day. I ain't got nothin' to say.**

"You look gorgeous," Hope compliments Lizzie as she observes the blonde finishing up the rest of her food. Hope picked Lizzie up at five on the dot and took her to a pop-up gallery before bringing her to dinner at Antonio's, one of her favorite places. She hasn't given her the outfit yet, she decided to save that for later.

Lizzie looks up, mouth full, and raises her eyebrows. Hope is being extra nice lately. "Careful, Hope, your heart-eyes are showing," She jokes once she swallows her food. But Hope doesn't laugh. Instead, she reaches over and takes Lizzie's hand in hers.

"I'm serious," Hope kisses her hand. "Let me show you how much I mean it."

Lizzie feels her stomach drop because she already knows what Hope means. She's shown her over and over again, all right, and honestly, Lizzie doesn't know if she can take another demonstration. Not if nothings going to change. But, god, does she want Hope to show her. Especially with her being so tender and caring... how can she resist? She finds herself thinking about earlier when Hope asked her to come out with her. She couldn't resist her then and she can't now. Will she ever be able to?

"Hope..." Lizzie trails off. Hope knows she has a hold over her. If only Lizzie had any idea of the hold she has over Hope.

"Yes?" Hope answers easily.

"You can't say stuff like that," Lizzie scolds, stacking all of their plates neatly onto one another so that their waitress won't have a hard time cleaning up after them.

"Why not?" Hope asks, taking her wallet out. 

"Because. You know why," Lizzie answers and shoots Hope a look. 

"Hmm... that's not good enough. Come on, let me take you home," Hope kisses Lizzie's hand as she guides them out of their seats and then out of the restaurant. The car ride home consists of light banter and flirting but when they pull into the parking lot of Hope's place the entire mood changes. They enter her apartment in silence, already knowing what's going to happen next. Lizzie drops her coat on the couch and strips out of the rest of her clothes, encouraging Hope to do the same.

Hope takes her time undressing, enjoying the view of Lizzie's body as she slips out of her pants. Lizzie isn't so patient. She rolls her eyes as she walks up to Hope, helping her out of her shirt and dragging her to her bedroom.

"Someone's impatient," Hope teases, smirking as she straddles Lizzie. The taller girl shrugs her shoulders and brings Hope down to meet her lips, letting her hands wander down to unhook her bra.

"I just want you to hurry and show me how much you mean what you said, is all."

...

Lizzie definitely got what she wanted. She spent the entire night with Hope and now seven in the morning and she's the first one up, wondering what the hell her and Hope are even doing. They've been sleeping together for weeks and since Lizzie threatened to end whatever it is they're doing, they've even been hanging out and going on- dare she say- dates. It's confusing, and Lizzie knows it's partly her fault for putting up with it and letting it even happen in the first place, but it hurts too. She's still in love with Hope. From the way she's been acting, it seems like Hope is still in love with her too. Lizzie just doesn't understand why they can't be together if that's the case.

She reaches over to grab her underwear off of the ground but forgets that Hope's arms are wrapped around her and the shorter girl shifts. Lizzie silently swears to herself and hopes that she doesn't wake up. It's wrong to slip away like this but they both know it's much easier than having the conversation they've both been avoiding. When Hope doesn't move again Lizzie takes it as her opportunity to slip out of her arms and out of the bed, standing up to put her underwear on.

The blonde makes her way to the living room and puts the rest of her clothes on. She looks around and lets out a huge sigh, feeling her chest grow tight at all of the memories her and Hope have in this room. In this entire apartment, actually. It'll probably be her last time seeing this place. If she's strong enough to stick to her word this time. She's done wasting her time and being toyed with. It's either all or nothing. Thoughts that hurt way too much to endure.

"Leaving me?" Hope asks from her doorway. She sounds like she's trying to hide the fact that she's upset but Lizzie can tell by her body language. She's slouched and looking down, playing with the sleeves of the oversized shirt she's wearing. She's vulnerable. Lizzie hates to be the reason why Hope is upset, but she knows she's doing the right thing for both of them.

"Uh, yeah..." Lizzie trails off as she slips a shoe on. "I didn't want to wake you," She says, looking up at Hope from the couch. Hope shakes her head and walks closer until she's standing in front of Lizzie.

"No. You didn't want to talk to me. You didn't wanna have to give me a fake excuse about you having to go. Is that is?"

**I ain't looking for my one true love. Yeah, that ship sailed away.**

"Maybe. What if I didn't?" Things are tense between them, that's for sure. For a second Hope questions if any of this is even worth it. All of the drama and emotional trials. But of course, it is. Anything for Lizzie.  Hope is convinced that Lizzie is the love of her life. Even if she's also convinced that they can't be together- at least not officially. 

"Why?"

**I know what you're looking for, but I'm complete. I know what you need, but it won't be me.**

And it's always that part of Hope that makes her pull away from Lizzie. That part of her that makes her do a complete three-sixty and shut her out. It's like she's at war with herself, deciding whether or not she'll finally give her all to Lizzie. Lately, it's been the part of herself that says no, it's not safe or that it's impossible, winning. 

**Love me, love me, baby, are you down? Can you let me know? Love me, thank you, leave me, put it down, then it's time to go. Get it like you love me but you don't, girl, it's just for show.**

"Why what?" Lizzie asks, eyebrows furrowed.

"Why don't you ever talk to me? Why do you always make an excuse about leaving, why don't you just tell the fucking truth, Lizzie?" Hope snaps, crossing her arms. Lizzie's taken aback by her outburst.

"You're one to fucking talk, Hope," Lizzie scoffs. "Like seriously, have you ever paid attention to yourself? Maybe you should be giving yourself this talk right now."

Hope doesn't react to what Lizzie says, instead, she waits for Lizzie to answer her questions. When she doesn't she speaks up again. "You leave every time we do this."

"Okay? And you leave every time things get serious between us. Maybe I'm just trying to protect myself," Lizzie shrugs and stands up, watching Hope's face contort into one of shock. 

"Wow. Low blow."

"Honest blow. That's what you want, right? For me to be honest?" Lizzie asks, glaring at Hope. Hope doesn't say anything and Lizzie chuckles to herself, finding it funny how easy it was for her to fall back into Hope's cycle of bullshit.

"What's funny?"

"The fact that I believed anything you've ever said is what's fucking funny. How you've been acting lately... I honestly thought we had a chance at getting back together. But that's not what you want, is it? I bet you haven't even considered it," Lizzie questions Hope, who seems to be finding the carpet really interesting all of a sudden.

**Take it or leave it, you gotta take it or leave it.**

Of course, Hope has. Only every single day since she made the dumb decision to end things. But she can't let Lizzie know that. If she did then there'd be no point of anything she's done. If she lets Lizzie know how she really feels then she has to be one hundred percent ready to fix things with her and be with her. Completely.

If she's being completely honest with herself...

She's not ready.

**Don't want you in my bloodline. Just wanna have a good time.**

"Yeah, you know what? You're right," Hope begins, Lizzie looking at her carefully. "It's not what I want. Just go, Lizzie." She has to bite her lip and keep her eyes fixed on the ground to keep from bursting out into tears right now, but she knows her words just broke Lizzie's heart for the second time and it's overwhelming. Way too overwhelming.

"Wow," Lizzie breathes, breath shaky. She nods her head and yanks her jacket off of the couch, making sure she bumps Hope's shoulder as she passes her so that she can make her way towards the door.

**Ain't no need to apologize, no**   
**But you gon' have to let this shit go.**

"I'm sorry," Hope offers, sniffling a bit.

"Fuck you, Hope."

 


	8. fake smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was intense

**_After laughter comes tears._ **

"Hey, you okay?"

"What?" Hope looks up from her lap, forcing her hands to sit still by her side. She's been playing with them for a few minutes now. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Uh." Penelope shifts in her seat on the couch. "We were just laughing about something and then your entire face dropped. It was just a quick mood shift, is all. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... hard, you know? Every time I laugh or smile or just enjoy myself, I just think about how things can go to shit so quickly. How things have fallen apart so quickly for me."

"Hope..." Penelope trails.

"It's weird right?" Hope asks. "Being apart of both me and Lizzie's support system. I know it's a fucking mess. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Penelope shakes her head. "You guys are both my best friends. The situation sucks, but I love you both and want to be here for you both. I know things seem like shit right now, but they will get better, Hope."

"Yeah," Hope nods her head even though she doesn't believe that. How can she when that's what she's been telling herself for the longest but things just keep getting worse and worse? At this point, though, she has nothing else to say. No more energy to explain herself and why she doesn't believe that things  _will_ get better. "Um... how is she?"

Penelope sighs, shaking her head a little bit. This is the part of being the support system that she hates the absolute most. No matter how fucked their situation is and how shitty their terms are... they always want to fucking know how the other is doing. It makes her head want to explode. Like honestly... sometimes Penelope wants to scream ' _just fucking ask her yourself!_ ' but she's not sure that'll be too helpful. Who knows. Maybe she'll try it one day.

"Do you want the truth or the sugar-coated truth?"

"The truth."

"Well..." Penelope sighs out. "She's fine. She's been holding her head high. Getting out of the house a lot, making new friends, and even trying a new diet. It's nice to see her genuinely happy."

"Sounds like she's moving on," Hope smiles sadly. "I guess all it took was getting rid of me. Cause I was the one holding her back from genuine happiness, right?"

"Woah, I didn't say that, Hope," Penelope defends, looking at Hope incredulously. "You know that's not what I meant. At all."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to make it seem like you implied that, I'm sorry," Hope apologizes. "But I'm being honest. I was holding her back. It's just the truth, Pen."

"Okay. Enough of this depressing conversation and self-pity. We're going out. Get dressed," Penelope orders, standing up and then helping Hope up as well.

...

**_Another night, another party, sayin' hi to everybody. I'm sorry, it's time to leave, I gotta leave now, got somewhere I gotta be now, I'm starving._ **

"A party?" Hope asks in disbelief as Penelope leads her into the kitchen. "Seriously?"

"What? You needed to get out of the house!" Penelope defends. "We're gonna have fun. Promise. But first, let me explain the rules--"

"-- There are rules?" Hope interrupts, suspiciously eyeing the cup Penelope is holding out to her.

"Yes! Rule one, no thinking about exes. Rule two, no talking to exes if you see any. Rule three, no hiding out in a room! Mingle, catch up, and enjoy yourself completely. Fair enough?" Penelope smiles, taking a sip from her own cup.

"I'm sorry... did you just say no talking to exes if I see any? Who's supposed to be here, Pen?"

"Uh... well. Landon. Maybe, Lizzie, I don't know--"

"--Are you fucking kidding?" Hope scoffs. "No. I'm going home."

"Wait! Please. Just stay for half an hour at least. If anything goes to shit we'll get you out of here asap, okay?" Penelope pleads, tugging on Hope's arm. She pouts and Hope rolls her eyes, hating that her friend is right. She honestly can't spend another second in the house or she'll lose her mind.

"Fine. Let's go mingle, or whatever."

Penelope squeals and drags Hope into the backyard, which seems to be where the party truly is. Hope immediately recognizes a few faces. Kaleb, Rafael, Landon, and MG. Even though the thought of socializing right now seems dreadful, it does feel really good to see friendly faces- especially since Hope has really been a loner the past few months when she used to be the one keeping everyone in touch.

So, despite her internal conflict of whether or not she should run away right now, Hope lifts her head and walks toward her group of friends, wearing a smile. "Hey, guys. It's been a while," She greets and leans over to hug MG.

"Only a week," Kaleb chuckles. Hope, Kaleb, and MG still hang out pretty often. Hope didn't really speak to anyone except for Penelope this week, though.

"So? I know you missed me," Hope says playfully. Kaleb nods in agreement and reaches over to hug her as well. "Besides, it's been a bit longer for some of us." Hope looks at Landon and Rafael.

"Yeah. Too long, maybe," Raf speaks up, stepping forward to hug Hope. Even though Rafael and Hope have had their fair share of disagreements, rough spots, and awkward feelings about each other, Hope has always enjoyed having him around as a friend and kind of misses him.

"Definitely. Maybe we can watch up at the gym sometime soon? Been a while since I kicked your ass," She laughs. He shakes his head but smiles.

"For sure. I'm free anytime this week."

"Great," Hope says, taking Rafael's phone to send herself a text so that they can have each other's updated contact information. Landon clears his throat and Hope looks up at him, finally having the opportunity to  _actually_ look at him. She's about to break one of the rules but, fuck it.

"Woah. You look... really fucking different," She chuckles, reaching up to touch his beard. "In a good way!" She rushes to say when she sees the look on Landon's face. "You look good with a beard, promise."

He laughs and reaches over to touch a few strands of Hope's hair. "Yeah, well, your hair looks darker."

Hope's eyebrows furrow and she looks at her hair from the side of her eyes. "It is?" She picks up some ends of her hair and holds it in front of her face, giving Landon a concerned look. "Uh... my hair is the same color it's always been, buddy. Maybe it's the lighting?"

"Oh, wow." He blushes. "This is really embarrassing. You look great anyway. That's all that matters, right?"

They both erupt into laughter and Hope pulls him into a tight hug. This is honestly the first time in a while she's felt so happy without anything looming over her.

Her and Penelope spend about twenty more minutes talking with the boys when suddenly Josie Saltzman pops her head into the conversation, giving Penelope a kiss and greeting the boys. Hope feels her chest tighten and she looks away, hoping no one notices her shift in behavior. If Josie is here then Lizzie is bound to be right behind her. Even if that's not the case, Josie hates her guts right now. Everyone keeps telling her that's not the case, but of course, it is. How can it not be? Hope broke her sister's heart. You'd be a fool to believe Josie hasn't plotted out some extreme, gruesome, revenge plan that's she's waiting to execute.

While she's looking over her shoulder she sees a blonde in the crowd and her breath hitches, catching the attention of Josie.

"She's not here. In case you were wondering so you can break her heart again, or something," Josie says coldly.

"Baby," Penelope scolds, giving Josie a pointed look.

"No, it's okay," Hope reassures Penelope. "Josie, maybe we can have this talk some other time?"

Josie laughs and looks at Hope in disbelief. "Yeah, right! I'm surprised you haven't ditched town yet, honestly. You're full of shit, Hope. You just don't want me to make a scene, right?" Josie squints her eyes, glaring at Hope. "I don't want to talk to you about why you keep playing with my sister. And if I have any say in it, Lizzie won't talk to you either."

Hope just nods, because honestly, if she does anything else she'll lose her composure and breakdown in front of all of these people. She can't pretend like Josie's words don't hurt her, because they really fucking do. It, yet again, feels like she just got sucker-punched in the gut.

"I, um, have to go. I have to go," Hope says, fighting to hold back her tears. Penelope gives her a concerned look and opens her mouth the say something but Hope speaks up again. "I have a thing that I totally forgot about. Bye guys."

**_Can somebody walk me to my car? If I go alone, I'm not gon' make it very far._ **

Hope turns away from the group and starts making her way towards her car when she hears footsteps behind her. "I'm fine, I just have to be somewhere else," She lies, hoping they'll go away.

"Liar," They call her out and Hope stops walking, turning around.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, following you?"

Her eyebrow raises and Landon shakes his head, quietly cursing himself out.

"Sorry. That sounded weird. I meant I'm trying to walk you to your car. Is that okay?"

Hope eyes him suspiciously but turns back around and continues walking.

"I'll take that as a yes." They walk through the party in silence, pushing through the crowd to get outside. "I know you're lying about having to be somewhere else."

"I think everyone does," Hope finally responds back. "Whatever, I don't care. I just need to get out of here. I don't even know why I stayed around anyway."

"Well, I'm glad you did," Landon admits shyly. Hope gives him a small smile before opening her car door. "You know... I don't know what went down between you and Lizzie, but I know that that happiest I've ever seen you is when you're with her. I know you, Hope. I know how it is to be with you. Whatever it is... whatever you're struggling with, don't let it ruin this for you," Landon reasons seriously.

"Probably too late for that," Hope lets out an empty chuckle. Landon's face doesn't change.

"I'm serious, Hope."

Hope nods, letting his words actually sink into her mind. She clings onto them, enjoying the little bit of hope that they manage to provide. "Thank you," She reaches over to squeeze his hand. She slips into the driver's seat but before she closes the door she calls Landon's name.

"Landon." She waits for him to turn around. "When you said I shouldn't let what I'm going through ruin me and Lizzie... did I... ruin us?" 

"Not at all," Landon smiles. "You did the right thing, Hope. Besides, I think I was too caught up in everything that was going on when we were together that I didn't really get to focus on us. Maybe I ruined us. Who knows? What matter is that we're here right now, still friends, right?"

"Right," Hope agrees, and she actually believes it. "Damn you're better at this advice thing than I remember. Oh! You still owe me a milkshake, by the way. I'm free Thursday!"

"Cool," Landon laughs. "Me too. I'll even throw some more advice in."

"Awesome," Hope smiles, starting her car. "Goodnight, Landon."

**_I'm happy for the love and all of the above. If I'm being honest, I done been through way too much._ **

Instead of going home, Hope goes to the Salvatore school instead, hoping Alaric won't mind her visiting so late. She takes a deep breath as she drives past the gates and towards the front of the main building. She parks her car and hops out, grabbing an oversized hoodie from her trunk that's flooding with the laundry she's been meaning to do.

"Hey," She says softly, announcing her presence. She had a lot of time to think of what to say on the drive here, but still, nothing can prepare her for the conversation she needs to have with Alaric right now. That and the fact that he's the father of Lizzie. She wouldn't be surprised if he gave her the same treatment that Josie has been serving.

"Hope!" Ric greets, shocked. "I... I'm surprised to see you here. It's been a while since we've talked. Is everything okay, are you in trouble?"

Hope flinches at Ric assuming she's in trouble. Things like this are apart of the reason why she's been losing her shit lately. Of course, he'd assume she's in trouble. Trouble follows her everywhere she goes and everyone knows it. It's always going to be what someone asks first because they know it's Mikaelson nature. How fucked up would it be to drag someone into the mess that is her life?

"No. Um, well, kind of?" She offers, face matching Ric's confused expression. "I didn't know else to go to, I guess. My family just doesn't get it. Well, Freya and Keelin do, but... they're not here. They've helped the best they can but... I don't know. I just really need someone to talk to right now," Hope explains, voice cracking.

"What happened, Hope?" Alaric asks, observing how fragile she looks right now. He knows something is wrong if she's allowing herself to actually feel everything that's swimming around in her head instead of ignoring it. She's sitting in a chair in front of his desk, one leg pulled to her chest so that she can rest her head on her knee and the other stretched out, foot touching the ground. It looks like she might've cried a bit on her way here and Alaric feels helpless at the sight. He wants nothing more than to take all of Hope's pain away and make things okay for her. No matter what happened or happens between her and his daughter, Hope is family. He really hopes that she knows that.

"Where do I even start," She chuckles, shaking her head at how much of a mess her life is right now.

"Start with right now, maybe. What's making you feel this way?" Alaric suggests, putting his paperwork aside.

"Well, I was at a party. With Penelope. I've been hiding out in my house all week without any real human contact so, she was being a good friend and dragged me out of the house. Things were going good. Really good, actually. I was the happiest I've been in a few weeks." Hope smiles thinking about how great it felt to catch up with her friends.

"So, what happened?"

"Um, Josie showed up," She starts cautiously, observing how Alaric reacts. Nothing seems to change, so she continues, hoping this isn't too awkward. "She hates me, Ric. She hates me for what I did to Lizzie, and she made it clear. I mean, she should. I deserve it. You should hate me too," Hope sniffles, keeping her eyes on her sleeve.

"Before you say anything, I want you to know that I love Lizzie with everything I have to offer, Ric. I promise you that. I'm in love with her. She's it for me. But I just keep messing everything up and I don't deserve her at all. I don't know if she told you what happened between us or whatever, but, I really messed things up. Like I always do. And it feels like I'm stuck like this, you know? I dug myself so deep this time I'm stuck sinking in the mud."

"Hope," Alaric starts, sitting up in his seat. "I'm not an idiot. I know you love Lizzie. Anyone can see that. I think even Lizzie can see that. No one hates you, I promise. Lizzie's obviously going to be upset, and Josie is too, but that doesn't mean that she hates you. Josie's just... very protective. And aggressive, nowadays, when it comes to getting her point across. You're family, Hope. No matter what." Hope feels a few tears make their way down her cheeks and she swats at them, angry that she's being so emotional. He probably doesn't know it, but Alaric's words mean everything to Hope. Being considered apart of his family means everything, and though she hates to admit it, she knows he's right.

"Lizzie is my daughter. I love her and want to protect her at all costs. That includes from heartbreak. So, you can imagine it isn't easy for me to sit here and give you advice," Alaric laughs at the irony of the situation. "But, believe it or not, I'm unbiased. I know you're scared, Hope. And I know you've been scared for a long time. You don't want to hurt Lizzie and I respect that, very much, but think about how you're hurting her by leaving instead of staying and working things out?"

"There's nothing to work out, Alaric," Hope states. "I'm a danger. It's not like I can negotiate to never have an enemy ever again. I don't even know half of the people that want my head," Hope sighs out, frustrated.

"That's not what I meant," Alaric explains. "Hope, how open would you be to therapy sessions?"

...

**_If I'm hurt, I ain't gon' lie about it, arms crossed with the attitude, lips pouted. If I'm mad, I ain't gon' lie about it, neck roll with the attitude._ **

"Okay, Hope. The most important parts of this are honesty and awareness. How do you feel right now? Be honest," Emma questions, clipboard in hand. Hope has spent the last few days at the Salvatore school in an extra dorm, taking a break from reality for a second and spending a lot of time with Emma and Alaric, who have been working non-stop to help her- which she appreciates so much. Right now she's in her first (of many, probably) therapy session, and she just hopes that this will actually help and not be a waste of time.

"Uh, tired? It's nine in the morning and I haven't had breakfast yet, so, maybe a little cranky too," Hope offers, giving Emma a smile. Emma gives her a pointed look and she sighs, looking around as if she can find the answer somewhere in the room.

"Answering this is harder than I thought it would be. I feel desperate, I guess. Desperate for some help. Desperate to go back to how things were. Desperate for closure. I don't know. I feel like damaged goods. Or like a new charity project for you and Alaric. Sorry I dragged you guys into my problems, by the way," Hope confesses and apologizes. Emma jots something down before looking up at Hope.

"The first thing that we're going to work on is you saying sorry. You say it way too much. Like,  _way_ too much. We're gonna reduce that. The second thing is you embracing your feelings. As I said, awareness is important. We have to know what we're feeling before we try to handle our emotions, right? It's like knowing that we're sick but trying to take a random medication before getting diagnosed. I've known you for a large portion of your life, Hope, and don't take offense to this but, I've seen you escalate emotional situations and then abandon them instead of dealing with them. Once we work on that, I promise things will start to feel much different," Emma explains and Hope feels like her head is going to explode.

"Are you with me? I'm here to help and guide but you're doing the work here, Mikaelson."

"Yeah." Hope declares, excited at the thought of having a brighter future and finally being able to handle how she feels. Even though diving deep into how she feels and having to face the cold, hard, truth hurt like hell and might knock her down more than she'd like, she knows that she's stronger than her pain. The sooner she can let go of everything holding her back, the sooner she can make room for better things like a new and improved social life, maybe moving into a new apartment and maybe, just maybe, another shot with Lizzie. Hope believes in herself. "I'm with you."

**_Fuck a fake smile._ **

 


	9. thank u, next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while, hi every1!!! i hope u r all well and sorry for the lack of updates. i hope you enjoy this chapter, its one of my longer ones and the next one will be even longer (: this chap was emotional to write but was needed and i hope this helps clear a few things up.

**_One taught me, love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain. Now, I'm so amazing. Say I've loved and I've lost but that's not what I see. So, look what I got, look what you taught me._ **

"Okay, Hope, you've been doing really well lately," Emma informs, taking her seat across from Hope. "You've really fought to get where you are, for yourself. I'm incredibly proud of you."

"Thank you," Hope beams. "That honestly means a lot."

"You're welcome, love," Emma replies, smiling. "However... Even though you've made an immense amount of progress, I still believe you could work a bit more on confrontation."

"Wait, what?" Hope asks, beyond confused. She's spent the past few months putting all of her time, energy, and focus into bettering her mental health and working on becoming a better person, for herself, with the help of Emma. She's talked about her past, her family, Lizzie, her friends, and any and everything else that means something to her. That's played a role in getting her where she is today. What more can she do? How many times is she supposed to confront these people and issues? "I thought we did that already? I'm pretty sure I've gotten my closure, thanks."

"But that's the thing, Hope," Emma starts. "You haven't. There's a difference between confronting something and being aware of it. You're aware of what the issues are and what part the people in your life play in those issues, but you've never confronted them about it. I'm telling you, once you do this you will really start to heal and finally be able to move forward."

"Move forward?" Hope scoffs. "How am I supposed to even confront everyone on my list? I mean, besides it being long enough to cover the states, if not the continent, people have left. Lizzie and a bunch of my other friends left for New York. My family is scattered. Oh, and let's not forget that my parents are dead. And they have been for a while now. What exactly do you want me to do here?" Hope questions, frustrated at how draining this entire process has been. Getting better isn't easy, that's for sure.

"Hope... Just because someone is dead doesn't mean you can't confront them. I mean, don't forget that we're witches. You could always use a prism to see your parents," Emma suggests.

Hope adores Emma but that has to be the dumbest suggestion she's ever heard. "Considering that they're your prisms, you already know that I won't actually be seeing my parents. Well, not like I want to. Use the prism, that is. They'll basically be saying what I want to hear since... well since they'd be from my subconscious."

"Not exactly. They will be like your own version of them. The better you know them, though, the more accurate it is. If you know how your parents would usually respond then that's how they'll respond. But isn't that the point?  _You_ know how they made you feel and what traumas they've left you with. So, when your mind conjures them, it's like you'll be confronting the part of you that haunts yourself. If that makes sense," Emma explains. Hope bites her bottom lip, deep in thought and Emma notices, clearing her throat after a moment of silence.

"Well, that's not the only option. You could always write letters, sit down and have a long chat with yourself or close family and friends about what really upsets you and why, or I'm sure we can find about a dozen other ways for you to confront and find closure. Real closure," Emma reassures, giving Hope a warm smile. The auburn-haired girl remains silent but returns Emma's smile, nodding in agreement with what she's saying. It all makes sense, Hope just isn't sure what she wants to do right now. She's not sure she's ready to see her parents right now, but she does need that closure.

"I'm not asking you to decide how you want to confront anyone or anything, right now. I just want you to start thinking about it because this is an important step of your healing process. What you can do for our next meeting though is provide a  _short_ list of names of people you need to confront. How does that sound?" Emma asks, standing up.

"Good." Hope stands up too, pulling some hair behind her ear. "That sounds good. As always, thank you, Emma."

"Anytime, love. I look forward to our next session."

...

It doesn't take Hope long to come up with her list of names that she needs to confront. As Emma said, she's aware of who has impacted her and how. So, she decides to keep it simple.

Elizabeth Saltzman, Landon Kirby, Roman Sienna, Klaus Mikaelson and Haley Marshall.

Five is a reliable number to start off with. Not too much or too little. And the people with the most impact on her life so far, that's for sure, so Hope thinks her list is pretty intense. Besides, who knows how this is going to go- so Hope wants to keep her list manageable in case she hates the whole confrontation thing and wants to give up. She knows Emma is going to push her to at least finish her list, so why not get the most important people out of the way first?

Hope has also decided that she is going to write letters as her way of confronting everyone on the list. Of course, she still has Emma's prism that she can use but she can use the prism anytime. Hope thinks she'll be better off with letters in case she ever needs to go back and remind herself that everything is okay, or at least will be. Being able to talk about how she actually feels and why she feels that way is kind of a huge deal for Hope, so having something to actually touch will remind her that she's capable of feeling and expressing so.

Well, here goes nothing.

_Landon,_

_We argued here and there and we've definitely had our ups-and-downs. I'll never forget when we danced in the town or when we reunited and you managed to stay at the Salvatore school. I remember how I hated your guts. And then suddenly I loved you. I was in love with you. I'll never forget that you were my best friend first, before anything._   _There were times where I felt completely misunderstood in our relationship, and I felt like no matter how much I'd try to explain how I felt you just... would never understand. I tried my best to keep a brave face on but I think that's what really destroyed us. I was an insecure teenager with no idea how to handle my heightened emotions. Sometimes, I still feel like that teenage girl. Sometimes I feel worse. I know I hurt you when I ended things at that party. I know you felt like I left you for Lizzie, and I'm sorry. I want you to know that our relationship was over before that, though, and that I wish I was wiser back then because I would've never hurt you the way I did. There's a lot of history between us, most that we've already hashed out, so thank you for being a friend. I love you, Lan. You've always been patient with me and that's the most important thing you've taught me. Thank you._

"God, that honestly does feel amazing," Hope chuckles in relief as she folds her letter to Landon up and places in an envelope with his name on it.

_Roman,_

_I tried to forgive you on multiple occasions. Scratch that. You're forgiven. I just have a hard time forgetting, and sometimes I forget that you're forgiven. The irony of that amazes me. Anyway, I have just recently forgiven you. I know I've said for years that I don't blame you for what happened to my mom or that we're fine, but for years I've been lying. I think a part of me secretly resented you if I'm being honest- which I'm trying to be here. Can you blame me? But, I know you've been beating yourself up over what happened to my mom for far too long, so I forgive you. And I need you to forgive yourself. You helped your mother plot against mine, and now she's dead, because of your manipulative, evil, nazi mother. Sorry. Didn't mean to insult her like that... she's just not a favorite of mine, obvi. Anyway, I have to remind myself that you lost a mother too. So, no matter how much I try to tell myself that you don't know how it feels, that you're the reason why I'm in pain, I know it's not true. Because you're going through it too. You've been a decent friend. I enjoy having you around. Despite our past. You've been painful to have around... but maybe instead of letting the pain between us be silent, we discuss it and help each other? Maybe it'll help. Who knows? Well, anyway, I'm not going to thank you for killing my mom but I do want to say thanks for giving me one of my first heartbreaks. It helped me learn and grow a lot. But it's also one of the reasons why I'm in therapy, so. Just saying._

_P.S. that was a joke, btw. So, don't cry or anything. We're cool._

Writing Roman's letter actually took more out of Hope that she'd like to admit. For a long time, she was in denial about the situation with Roman and her mom. Even after she let him back into her life she still ghosted her real feelings about the situation instead of talking about it- with anyone, but herself most importantly. Luckily, therapy has helped her with that. And she does, truly, forgive Roman. It's good to get that off of her chest and give him the closure he needs as well because even though she's been lying all of these years, she knows that he knows she never really forgave him. Until now, at least.

"Now here comes the hard part," Hope announces to no one but herself.

_Lizzie,_

_I understand if you hate me, never want to see me again, or whatever it is you're probably feeling. I know you're moving on. I'm glad. Please, always remain happy. I've never loved anyone more than I have loved you. More than I do love you. Honestly, I don't think that I'll ever stop. I know that I've hurt you. I'm an idiot. No amount of apologies in the world can fix that. So I'm done apologizing. I don't want to ever hurt you, ever, again. The first step to making sure that happens is to stop hurting myself. Let me explain. When we broke up I told you that I had to end things because I can't risk anyone hurting you because of who I am. That's true and it'll always be true as long as I remain Hope Mikaelson, the daughter of the hybrid killer with 1000 enemies. But I should've fought for you and myself, Liz. I shouldn't have pushed you away and let my fears and own trauma get the best of me. I also broke up with you because I was scared. I knew we were getting really serious and coming from a home as broken as mine, that scares the literal shit out of you. I was selfish, though. I was so busy focusing on my own shit that I neglected how you felt and the fact that you come from a somewhat broken home too. That you have your own shit going on. And I was so busy focusing on the bad that I ignored the good. Yeah, my home was broken but I grew up surrounded by love. My mom, dad, aunts, and uncles. Alaric, Emma, and then you, Josie, MG, Pen, and the rest of the gang. How much of an idiot could I have been to not realize that what I had was much bigger than my fears, issues, and what-ifs? Much bigger than me? I was broken for a really long time, and for a while, you were enough for me to forget that. But when we became really domestic it's like my past slapped me in the face and reminded me of what the future could be. A disaster. So, I let go of the stronger Hope that I was becoming and fell back into the broken teenager. I lost myself and I lost you._

_Recently, I've found myself again. I'm done running and being scared. I'm standing up to that part of myself that is broken and done fighting for who she can be. I've been doing sessions with Emma for a while now and I've spent a lot of time at Salvatore lately and around your dad, which I'm sure you're aware of. They're family, and they've helped me really screw my head on tight. I've al_ _so_ _been in New Orleans a lot more lately. Freya and Keelin miss you, they hope you visit again soon. I've seen auntie Bex, Marcel, Kol, and Davina, too. All is well. It's like for once in my life everything is going good. Even for you. Of course, I've been keeping tabs. I'm beyond proud of you and everything you've become. You never fail to amaze me. It seems like the rest of the world can say the same for themselves. Which is why I don't regret what happened between us. I've learned not to hold on to the past and onto regret. I wonder, If things didn't happen the way that they did, would things even be this good right now? I guess we'll never know. But what I do know is that I'm forever and always in love with you, Lizzie._

By the time Hope finishes writing Lizzie's letter, she's crying. Everything she managed to say is absolutely true, but lord knows that if Lizzie does even really read this letter and somehow still finds it in her heart to speak to Hope, there's so much more she has to say. Of course, she would love to know what Lizzie is thinking and feeling too. It's been too long since she's seen the blonde and last time they spoke she ended up breaking both of their hearts yet again. So yeah. She's gonna save the rest of their unresolved drama for an in-person talk if she's ever blessed with the opportunity.

The next two letters are going to break the shit out of her heart. She knows it. She can feel it in her stomach, a bundle of nerves making their way up into her throat- and for a second, she feels like she might just puke. But she doesn't. She swallows her anxiety and wipes her eyes, cracking her knuckles and back before pulling out a new piece of paper for the next letter.

**_Spend more time with my friends, I ain't worried 'bout nothin'. Plus, I met someone else, we havin' better discussions. I know they say I move on too fast but this one gon' last._ **

Hope is sobbing in her bed when her phone rings. Her head is pounding and she's out of breath, so the shrill ringing of her cellphone is enough to snap her out of her dreadful state. She groans and rolls to her side so that she's facing her nightstand and slaps her hand over her phone, snatching it up to reveal who's calling.

"Hello?" She answers groggily, voice hoarse from crying. Hope can hear what sounds like traffic in the background of the other line and she squints her eyes, checking what time it is. It's five in the afternoon. Damn, she's really spent her entire day pouring her heart out and crying over the contents. Part of her has to admit... she's quite relieved. Finally, she's done suppressing the thoughts, questions, and pain that keeps her mind racing at night. The things that have been holding her back from moving forward in life. Shit. Emma was totally right.

"Hey! Hope! I'm in town. Let's hang out. We can invite Jed too if you want. Whatever. I just wanna see you, you free?" Penelope greets, excited to hear Hope's voice. They've talked constantly since Penelope and Josie moved to New York but it's not the same as hanging out in person.

"Of course, I'm free. Why didn't you tell me you were in town?" Hope agrees to hang out because how could she decline when she hasn't seen Penelope in weeks and misses her like crazy. Plus the fact that Penelope sounds like a little kid being reunited with their best friend after a summer away from them.

"Well I didn't want to- wait, girl, are you okay? You sound horrible. No offense. Is everything alright?" Penelope questions, noticing Hope's strained voice. Hope tries to think of a valid excuse for her voice but can't think of something in time. "If you need to just have a Netflix marathon with a bunch of junk food I'm down for that too. Should I go grab some?"

Hope's heart swells at how amazing Penelope is. All of her friends, really, are amazing to her. She can't be more grateful for them. She smiles and shakes her head, forcing herself out of bed. "No. No, let's go out, okay? I'll be ready in thirty minutes. Come wait on my couch. I missed you!"

Penelope laughs into the phone and there's a moment of silence before she speaks again. "Already on my way. I missed you too. I can't wait to hear all about what I've missed. See you soon."

...

"So... everything has been going well with Emma?" Penelope asks as Hope picks up her ball. They're currently bowling. While tipsy. Hopefully, no one gets injured. They spent a while at the bar portion of the bowling alley before deciding that they should actually play before they're too far gone.

"Yeah, actually. I've been really focused on myself lately, you know? I feel really really good about my progress," Hope informs, throwing her ball down the lane. She hits nine out of ten on her first turn and cheers, doing a little victory dance. She notices Penelope's silence as she waits for her ball to come back and turns around. "You okay over there?" Hope questions, wondering why Penelope didn't respond.

Hope looks to see a teary-eyed Penelope watching her. "Woah, what's wrong, P?" She rushes to her friend's side to comfort her.

Penelope feels a tear fall and she slaps it away, feeling dumb for getting so emotional. "I just- I- I'm so proud of you, Hope. Honestly. It's so nice to see you happy." Penelope tugs Hope into a tight hug and holds her tight for a few seconds. "Okay. Go finish playing."

"Okay," Hope chuckles and gives Penelope one last squeeze before returning to their lane to throw her ball. She hits the last pin and throws her hands in the air, cheering once again. "Victory!"

"Let me show you how it's really done, kid," Penelope smirks and nudges Hope aside so that she can grab her own ball. "I'm a champ at this."

**_She taught me, love, she taught me patience. How she handles pain, that shit's amazing_ **

Back in New York Lizzie is having the time of her life. She just finished up a shoot and is on her way to Josie's apartment with some fast food from a hole-in-the-wall place that they both love. Life really took a turn after Hope broke things off with her... again. Lizzie was sick of moping around and feeling sorry for herself. She got herself together and made a portfolio of her best pictures and fashion sketches and landed a few gigs in New York. She ended up signing to an agency in New York and decided to move there, Josie and Penelope tagging along because their careers are also better off in the big apple.

It's refreshing, honestly. To be in a new place with new faces, scenery, and new memories to make. Of course, she misses home but she still visits quite a lot. She still gets to see Kaleb, MG, and Landon a lot too since they started a band together and have been touring recently. Josie, Penelope, and her have been to a bunch of their shows. They're pretty dope.

Every time Lizzie starts to think about the past and feel upset about it she reminds herself where she's at in life and how she's only going to get bigger and better. Honestly, her pep talks are the shit. She works. Hard. At first, it was just a distraction but now that it's become something serious and solid in her life she's not going to let anything distract her from her career. And she's happy with that. Lizzie has never been happier than where she is right now.

She's not going to lie, there were some worries at first, with her being in the limelight and all. But, her family and friends work hard to keep her safe. So, this new lifestyle and newfound happiness are worth it. She deserves it.

"Josie, it's me. Open the door, I have burgers, fries, and milkshakes. Unless you want me to eat all of this junk by myself," Lizzie yells through the intercom, juggling the food in her hands. The door almost immediately buzzes open and Lizzie hurries inside.

**_I've loved and I've lost but that's not what I see. 'Cause look what I've found, ain't no need for searching._ **

Hope sighs as she places the prisms onto the table in front of her. She makes sure they're a good distance apart before stepping aside, letting the light shine on them. She braces herself for who are bound to appear.

After sending her letters off to Roman, Lizzie, and Landon, Hope realized that she doesn't have anyone to send her letters to her parents to. She can't record them and send them away for her parents to hear, or pass them along to someone and hope they receive them. No. There's only one way for her to really do this. At least one that she's content with.

She focuses for a minute. On the shadow of nearby trees, the way the moon looks, and the few cars passing, probably on their way back from work. She focuses until Klaus pops up, right in front of her. Followed by Hayley. Alas, her beautiful parents.

Hope's silent. She doesn't know what to say. How can she?

"Hope," Her father greets, grinning, a familiar glint in his eyes. Hayley's smile matching his. Hope glances between the two, eyes tearing up. There's a tight feeling in her chest right about now.

"Holy shit," Hope chuckles, covering her mouth because in disbelief. "You guys look so real."

Hayley laughs and crosses her arms. "We are real. As real as we're gonna get."

"I miss you guys," Hope smiles sadly after another moment of silence. She pulls the letters out of her pocket.

"We miss you too, little wolf. But we _are_ watching over you," Klaus offers, smiling at Hope. She nods and smiles, even though she knows she's just comforting herself. All of this feels so surreal. This is harder than she thought it would be. Hope pulls her cardigan a bit tighter across her chest and clears her throat, opening her letter to her dad.

"I, um..." She struggles with what to say. I have a goodbye letter to read? I have something to say? I am miserable without you guys and wrote down what I could bear to?

"We know, love. We're listening." Klaus encourages Hope to read her letter. Of course, they already know about the letters. They're her. Kind of. Whatever.

"Okay. I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna go for it!" She exclaims after a minute of hesitating.

_"Dad,_

_It kills me that I don't know whether or not you're at peace. I've been told that you are but, I find it hard to believe anything I can't see with my own eyes, so, I guess it'll be a while until I can get past stressing over you. I miss you more and more every day. Growing up, when you were absent in my life, I was so angry, sad, and incomplete. I used to call you a deadbeat dad."_

Klaus winces at this while Hayley chuckles. "Well, at least she didn't lie," Hayley mutters underneath her breath and Klaus glares at her. God, that's totally something her parents would do. Hope has to look away from them and take a deep breath before continuing.

_"The rest of the family was there to give me all of the love I needed (minus uncle Elijah, whom I love and miss dearly too) but it always felt like something was missing. Of course, after forcing you back into my life and consequently losing you, I know now. No matter how much you thought you staying away was the best thing for me you were wrong. Having you in my life made a bigger impact than you think. And it's funny because I went from being mad at you because I thought you didn't care for so long from mourning over your sacrifice to save my life. I'm kidding, that's not funny."_

Hope sniffles and pauses, looking up to her parents to see their reaction. They're both sporting a small smirk despite the situation, and the fact that it honestly is not funny.

_"But it is ironic. Most days I struggle over choosing whether I should be upset over the fact that you sacrificed yourself so that I can live or whether I should be grateful, because honestly, sometimes I think you wasted your sacrifice. I try to honor you and mom every day. Elijah too. I try to be the best version of myself and be happy and make an impact. Live up to being the hope of this family. But it's hard. I feel unsafe without you and mom here. I once told you that you're the strongest. That you're strong enough to keep all of the bad guys and bad things away. What will I do now, without you here to help me be as strong as you?"_

"Oh, Hope..."

_"I don't know how long this is supposed to be. I'm not sure what else I can say, or what else I can make you aware of that you don't already know. You know being absent in my life for all of those years hurt me. Duh. We hashed that out... I think."_

She chuckles, shaking her head. Klaus laughs too, crossing his fingers.

_"I think what really haunts me (Ha... haunts me... ironic) is that I never got to really say my peace. You once told me that there's a type of ruin only fathers can leave behind and that maybe you were bound to leave me broken. You were wrong, dad. I'm not broken. At least not beyond repair. You didn't leave me in ruins, you left me with (and this is gonna sound corny, but bear with me) hope. Hope for a brighter future, another chance at life, a chance to carry on the Mikaelson legacy and make our family proud."_

At this point, Hope's eyes are pouring but she ignores the droplets that fall on the paper and keeps going. She's near the end.

_"I feel like I'm being repetitive, so I'm going to get to my point. I promise to make you proud. To make sure your sacrifice wasn't for nothing. You're an amazing dad and I love you. Forever and always."_

Klaus is crying too by the time Hope is done and Hope can really go for a hug right about now. She sniffles and looks away, folding the letter back up. "Uh, so, yeah. What'd you think?"

"I love you, Hope Mikaelson. More than anything in the world. I'm sorry for all of the hurt that I've caused you, and that I cannot be there with you every second, but I'm here, even if you can't see or hear me, I'm here," Klaus reassures, stepping closer. He sighs and clenches his jaw. "I'm also sorry that this stupid prism doesn't allow me to give hugs."

"I love you, dad," Hope laughs and pulls out Hayley's letter. She takes another deep breath before beginning.

_"Mom,_

_I miss and love you so much. I blame what happened to you and dad on myself, how can I not? It is after all my fault."_

Hope pauses to see the scolding looks on her parent's faces.

_"But. I know you and dad don't blame me and I know you'd scold me for blaming myself. Don't worry. I'm working on that. I miss you. I know I said that already but you have no idea. I know you're watching over me right now. If what I've heard is true then so is dad. You guys are probably together right now, reading these letters over my shoulder or something. I don't know. How does that work anyway?"_

All three of them let out light laughs.

_"Well, regardless of whether or not you and dad are watching over me right now I need to get a few things off of my chest. I'm sorry I ever put you in that stupid coffin in the first place. I'm sorry I basically handed you right over to enemy arms. I was an idiot, but I've learned. So there's that. Losing you brought me and dad closer. I'm sorry that had to happen under those circumstances. I wish you were around to see us get close again and be a part of us doing so, but in a way you were, so I guess it's okay. Nothing ever feels whole anymore without you guys around. I've felt an ache in my chest since you died. Well, that's mostly true, except... remember that epic love you told me to make sure I have?"_

Hope can't help the fond smile that spreads across her face. Hayley and Klaus are smiling too, so she assumes that they approve.

_"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure I've found her. Lizzie Saltzman. Who would've thought, right? Remember how I used to never talk to her? Ironic. I feel good when she's around. Safe, happy, at ease. I'm kind of an idiot though and messed things up between us. So, those bad feelings have been on overdrive without her, but I'm working on feeling good without her. For myself. I have to, you know?_

_Of course, you do. You're the most understanding, caring, and honest person I know. I wish you were here to guide me through this relationship drama, but I'll just have to believe that you watching over me is enough. I remember when you told me that the very best of you is in me. I hope that's true. Because I really need you, mom. I need you right now. You told me to, "Make art. Use my voice. Have adventures. And be every bit of myself," but I'm finding it hard to do so without you. I miss your voice, your hugs, and your advice. Sometimes I wish I would have just stayed with you. But I know things are going to be okay. I know the 'you' in me is going to come out and I'm going to make you so proud. I promise. I love you so much, mom. Always and forever."_

Hope wipes the hot tears from her face when she's done reading the letter and Hayley has to do the same, but her tears are of happiness instead of sadness. "Oh, Hope," She chuckles, affectionately covering her smile with her hand, letting her other hand wrap around herself. "I am so damn proud of you. You're a superstar. I love you, babe. Forever and always."

There's something about hearing her parent's voices and their reassuring, comforting, and (though she hates to admit it) truthful words that makes a warm feeling of relief wash over Hope. Part of her feels free. Finally. Like a weight has been lifted off of her chest and she can finally breathe again. It's weird. But she's happy.

**_I've got so much love, got so much patience. I've learned from the pain, I turned out amazing. Say I've loved and I've lost but that's not what I see. 'Cause look what I've found, ain't no need for searching._ **

Lizzie receives Hope's letter the day after she sends it. Overnight mailing. Fancy. Lizzie doesn't understand why Hope didn't just use magic to send it though. But whatever.

She's at a shoot, currently on a break, when Josie runs up to her- eyes wide.

"Liz! It's Hope!" Josie whisper-yells in a way that makes Lizzie way too anxious. The way Josie says it makes it seem like Hope is in trouble or is hurt and Lizzie shoots up, closing the distance between her and Josie.

"What? Is she okay? Is she in trouble? Does she-"

"- She wrote you a letter!" Josie reveals, pulling the letter out of her bag. She hands it to Lizzie and Lizzie looks at it in awe, her fingers tracing over Hope's handwriting. She gulps and stares at the envelope for a few minutes, shifting her feet.

"... Well?" Josie questions, shaking her head. "Are you gonna open it or fucking not?"

**_And for that, I say_ **

"I-" Lizzie contemplates for a few seconds more. "I don't know!" She sighs, shoulders tense.

"What do you think is in it?" Josie asks, a grin creeping up on her face. Lizzie rolls her eyes at her twin and feels herself becoming agitated.

"I don't know, okay? Please shut up."

"I think you should open it," Josie shrugs, picking up an apple from the snack table and taking a bite out of it. "You never know."

"How about you read it since you want to know what she has to say so bad," Lizzie suggests, squinting her eyes. "Besides, don't you like, hate her? Why do you care?"

"I don't hate her. She's one of my closest friends. It's just hard for me to drop my grudge against her until you do. But last time I spoke to her we ended on good terms, and we're supposed to hang out next time I visit Mystic Falls. Or vice versa." Josie informs, picking up a few other snacks.

Lizzie's eyebrow raises at hearing that Hope may be visiting NY. She's not sure she's ready to see her ex yet. Even if she has been moving on.

"Whatever," Lizzie shrugs. "I don't care. I hope you and your friend have a great time," Lizzie smiles bitterly before making her way to the makeup area, shoving the unopened letter in her purse. "My break is over, thanks for wasting it."

"Oh, you're totally welcome," Josie smirks, causing Lizzie to flip her off.

**_Thank you, next_ **

 


	10. ghostin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end is near...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, i was trying to wait until i finished the final chapter before posting this but i haven't been too inspired to write hizzie lately. so here's a long chapter to make up for it!! i would really love if you guys left feedback, it encourages me to write. enjoy!

Gael is a nice guy. A very nice guy. He's tall, muscular, and she's not gonna lie- he's pretty good in bed. When they first met at a mutual friends party he definitely caught her eye. She noticed the loose curls astray from his man-bun first, then when he turned around she was shocked to see a smile on his face. Everyone at the party was either fighting over a game, who the designated driver was supposed to be, or who was going to run to get more beer. Despite all of the bickering going on around him, he still managed to have a good time and keep the peace between his friend group. Props to him, because Lizzie was losing her fucking mind that night.

That's beside the point though. He's sensitive, caring, honest, and  _overly_  understanding. When they met, Lizzie was going through some shit. Everyone thought she was upset because Alaric couldn't arrive on time to celebrate her and Josie's birthday and would be arriving a week late. But no, the truth was Hope didn't try to reach out to her last year, like she's been doing for the past four years since they've last seen each other. Lizzie never replies, and sometimes she doesn't even bother to read what Hope has to say- like that letter she sent way back- but it still gives her ease that Hope reaches out. It's kind of fucked-up, but at least Lizzie knows she's alive and safe enough to reach out. When she didn't, Lizzie didn't know what to do.

It's not like she wanted to just start asking a bunch of questions about Hope after three years of doing her best to ignore the woman and anything else involving her, once again, like the letter that Josie still brings up from time to time. Instead, she kept to herself, trying to lowkey snoop and figure out if Hope was alright. It was kind of hard since she doesn't have social media like everyone else, but thankfully, since they have so many mutual friends, it wasn't that hard.

Turns out Hope went ghost for a few months. She didn't contact her family in New Orleans, no one in Mystic Falls, Penelope, Landon, MG, Josie, and not even Kol or Davina. She just disappeared for a while. It made Lizzie feel physically sick. What if something happened to her?

So one can understand why when Gael tried to be Lizzie's friend at first she was distracted and pretty distant. He didn't give up on her though, and one night after one of his art exhibits he caught her crying all alone, staring at a painting. She said it reminded her of Hope. Of course, he didn't know who that was but he was more than willing to listen about who she is and why Lizzie's crying while thinking about her. And he did. He listened to Lizzie all night after taking her back to his place and held her while she cried. He even tucked her in bed afterward and slept on the floor so she'd be comfortable.

**_I know you hear me when I cry, I try to hold it in at night while you're sleepin' next to me but it's your arms that I need this time._ **

That's when Lizzie knew that she needed Gael to stick around in her life. He had been trying to get close with her for months anyway after the party. They were always at shoots together- did she mention he's a model?- mutual parties, events, and hangouts because of their friends. She even went to a few of his galleries to show support. Gael is somehow amazing at everything he does. Another reason why she likes having him around, he's really freaking admirable.

Hope resurfaced a month after the twin's birthday. She was taking care of some 'business' she still hasn't really talked about, but it's okay. Lizzie gets it. Hope never really likes to talk about when she's handling the family business, a.k.a. picking off some threats. She tries not to be violent, but hey. She rather be violent than dead. Lizzie's just glad she's okay.

After Lizzie heard from Penelope that Hope's back around (because Lizzie is  _so_  damn obvious with trying to keep tabs on Hope), Lizzie decided she needs to stop worrying about Hope so much. She's a big girl, after all, and Hope's not with Lizzie in New York right now. But Gael is. And he has been for a while.

So, she started dating him.

It was definitely rough at first. For so long, Hope is the only person Lizzie ever thought about being with. For a while, Hope  _was_  the only person she was with. Even after three years, Lizzie hates to admit that she's only allowed herself to be with one or two other people. And that's just in bed. She hadn't even considered being with anyone else until she met Gael. He's kind of like a breath of fresh air for her.

Gael is different. He's different from Hope and different from Lizzie. He kind of reminds the blonde of Josie a little bit. Not in a weird way. He's just really sweet and always thinks with his heart. Any other time, Lizzie would say this is a good thing. But when Lizzie has her breakdowns it can be a bad thing, considering some nights Lizzie just cries about her past and about how Hope isn't apart of her life anymore, Gael doesn't know what to do. He comforts her the best he can, and he always caters to her.

It's gotten to the point where Lizzie feels selfish for feeling so sad sometimes. She has an amazing boyfriend, an amazing group of friends, the best family she could ask for, and a successful career. It's hard for her to wrap her head around why that still isn't enough, and that just makes her even more upset.

She's used to having more of a bilateral relationship. When Lizzie was with Hope everything was just more... mutually beneficial. They're each other's anchors. They're a team. With Gael, Lizzie feels like she's just taking advantage of his good heart, and it's not fair. He deserves better. But while she doesn't even have the energy to hold it together at night, she definitely doesn't have the energy to have that conversation with him.

So she just lets him hold her because he always does. Ever since they've moved in together it's been the same routine- at least three times a month. They get into bed and she tries to sleep but ends up crying instead, and he wakes up after a few minutes of her sobbing to calm her down. They always end up falling asleep around three or four in the morning, cuddled up to a movie.

**_Look at the cards that we've been dealt. If you were anybody else, probably wouldn't last a day. Every tear's a rain parade from hell._ **

Hope's birthday is this month. She's currently in New Orleans, staying with Freya and Keelin for a week before she goes down to Cali. She's trying to visit everyone she loves this month so that her birthday will be fulfilled since everyone can't come to her this year. Penelope convinced her to visit New York last- which means she has to see Lizzie, but she's not too worried. Hope has somehow gotten used to life without Lizzie. The blonde is still on her mind a lot, but she keeps herself busy.

After Hope got her mental health in order, she started focusing on her artwork and has been selling work  _fast_. People love it. How could they not? It's fantastic. They should see the portraits she makes of Lizzie- not like she'd ever publish them- they're almost as stunning as she is. But that's beside the point. The point is, Hope has made a living for herself and she's in a really great place right now.

Sometimes she has a slip-up, though. One thing Hope was never able to adjust to was not having Lizzie around to comfort her when she feels on edge. No one can help her stay as relaxed and grounded as Lizzie can. Hope wonders if Lizzie struggles with the same.

Lizzie probably struggles a little more, actually. When Josie told Lizzie that Hope would be in town soon she freaked.

_"What do you mean Hope is coming here for her birthday?"_

_"Um... I mean Hope's going to be here for her birthday? What's wrong with you, I thought you didn't care anyway. Plus, aren't you with Gael?"_

_"Yeah, but..."_

_"But what?"_

_But the truth is, the sight of Hope still makes my heart burst and my cheeks burn. I can't think straight or speak correctly around her, the smell of her perfume makes me melt like a candle that's been lit overnight, and just thinking about her throws me for a loop. So yes, I do care and do not appreciate her coming here for her birthday._

_Lizzie thinks it but doesn't dare say it._

_"Nothing. You're right, I'm sure we'll have a ball."_

Her episodes went from a few times a month to almost every week, and to really top it off shes started destroying stuff again, just like in high school. Memories hit her like a brick- what she and Hope did for their birthdays after they became friends, then lovers, and then reality hits even harder and she snaps out of her memories and realizes that there's none of that anymore. No more waking up to being smothered in kisses, no more declarations for love, no more spending the day with one another and dancing around in oversized t-shirts. At least not with each other- and that's what scares Lizzie the most.

While Hope has been able to adjust to life without Lizzie, Lizzie hasn't been able to adjust to life without Hope. She's only been able to distract herself and just keep going. But sometimes the world stops, shakes her up, and drops her on her ass harder than the time before to remind her that nothing will be the same anymore.

The blonde is trying to adjust though... to a new life. With Gael. He's been adjusting, too.

...

Lizzie tries to resist the urge to use magic but cracks after the string of curse words she yells out don't help. She siphons from one of her dark objects and bawls her fists up, trying to take a deep breath. Which works to no avail, she's far too upset to even think clearly right now. Her photoshoot was a disaster, her makeup crew showed up super late and to make things even worse the photographer was a huge dick. If only they knew that any little thing can trigger Lizzie lately, considering that this month is a vulnerable one. It's fine though, they definitely learned their lessons when Lizzie canceled the shoot and made everyone reschedule. If they want to waste her time she'll waste theirs too.

Gael walks in just as Lizzie flings a vase across the room, almost not dodging it in time.

"Woah, that wouldn't have been pretty," He tries to joke but Lizzie just screams, causing a few glasses to break. Gael has seen Lizzie use magic before but never like this. He'll be lying if he said he isn't scared. "Uh, babe... is everything okay? What happened?"

For some reason hearing the word 'babe' triggers Lizzie even more. Maybe because Hope used to call her that all of the  _damn_  time. He notices this and takes a deep breath himself, mentally gearing up before entering this battle. Lizzie needs him right now and he will not disappoint. So he pushes his fear and confusion and whatever else he may be feeling right now to the side and takes a small step forward. By the time a few more dishes are shattered and more furniture is turned about Gael has safely made his way to Lizzie. He pulls her into his arms and holds her tight, refusing to let go, even though there's a huge possibility she'll fling him across the room right now.

"Hey, I got you. It's okay, Liz. I'm not letting go."

Hearing Gael say that he's not letting go really makes something click for Lizzie. She lets her body go limp in his arms and he supports her weight, rubbing circles onto her back. Her face is mashed against Gael's shoulder, but through squinted eyes, she looks around at her mess and feels defeated. She hates that she feels like this. She hates that her episodes get this bad sometimes.

After a few minutes of them standing in the same position, Gael guides them towards the couch. He plops them down and Lizzie snuggles into his side, wondering why he sticks around to deal with her. Lizzie hates the fact that being with her takes so much out of him. She bites her lip and a sharp pain forms in her head from trying to hold her tears back. She lets them fall.

"I'm sorry," She whispers so lowly she doesn't think he hears her, but when he pulls her tighter and leans down to kiss her forehead she knows he did. She sounds drained and Gael pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, staring at the ceiling absently. He debates whether or not he should respond.

"Don't ever be sorry for feeling how you feel. And don't ever be sorry for reacting to those feelings- not around me."

It's a good response. Good enough, he thinks.

"This is your first time seeing me this bad. I didn't think you ever would."

He's not sure what to say so he doesn't say anything, listening to how her breathing slowly falls back steady. For a second he thinks that she's fallen asleep but she speaks up again, making him jump a little.

"The only people able to calm me down when I'm that bad are Josie, my parents, and-"

"-And Hope?"

Her silence is the only answer that he needs. He lets out a deep internal sigh and rubs her back again, nodding.

"I don't know how you do it, Gael Martinez. But you do it." Lizzie leans up to peck his cheek before settling back into his side. Gael smiles at this and lets his body relax, Lizzie following his lead. He'd do anything for Lizzie. He wants her to know that.

**_Baby, you do it so well. You been so understanding, you been so good and I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should and I'm hating myself, 'cause you don't want to admit that it hurts you._ **

"Hey, wake up sleepy-head. I have breakfast."

"It's too early, go away," Lizzie mutters, half asleep.

Gael lets out a heartfelt laugh and places the plate down on the nightstand, diving into the bed. He scoops Lizzie into his arms and showers her in kisses, causing her to smile despite her trying to shove him away. "It's two in the afternoon."

"Well if it's two in the afternoon, why do you have breakfast?"

Gael gasps at her clap-back and places his hand on his chest, feigning shock. "I guess I'll just eat these pancakes by myself, then..."

"Woah," Lizzie shoots up and pulls the covers off of her. "Pancakes? That's all you had to say." Lizzie really does prefer Belgium waffles, but ever since she and Hope broke up she's tried to avoid them. They used to eat them together almost every morning.

"That's what I thought." He hands her the plate and a fork and she sinks in, stuffing her face so quickly Gael is afraid she might choke.

"Slow down, Liz. I don't want you to choke."

She rolls her eyes but obliges, taking her time to really chew. She watches as Gael brings his hand to the back of his neck and scratches. Lizzie raises her eyebrow. He's about to ask her something or tell her something. Either way, he's nervous.

"So uh, I was thinking, maybe we could do something today? Maybe dinner or something?"

Lizzie sighs and pushes her plate to the side, throwing the thin sheet over herself again. Today is Hope's birthday. Josie and Penelope invited her to the dinner-turned -surprise-party that they're having for her and Lizzie was planning to go but... she just can't bring herself to it. She didn't dare mention it to Gael either, so she's been stuck in a funk the last two days, silently mopping over how all of her friends are going to be having fun without her and not having the energy to explain to Gael why she can't go to the party and why she's upset that she can't go.

"I don't know, Gael... I'm not really in the mood, you know?"

He shakes his head, sighing. "No, I don't know, Lizzie. You don't tell me what's wrong- I'm just trying to help. I figured maybe getting out of the house would help you feel better. Plus we haven't even been on a date in weeks. You seriously can't come out tonight?"

"I said no, okay? I have no energy to go out and pretend to be happy right now! I don't want to."

Gael flinches and sits up, leaning away from Lizzie. He knows she doesn't mean it that way but he feels like she just slapped him in the face and told him that he doesn't make her happy and never will. He's beat. After all he does to try and satisfy Lizzie, he's not sure what else he can do.

"Okay..." He looks around the room and bites his thumb lightly, getting lost in his thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh I just- I don't have the energy right now. I'm sorry, babe. Maybe we can go out sometime this week?"

"Is it because it's Hope's birthday? Are you going to her party?"

"What?" How did he find out about the party? How does he even know it's Hope's birthday?

"Josie and Penelope invited me. I'm their friend too, you know." Gael answers as if he's reading her mind.

"Why would they do that?"

"Maybe because I'm not the one hiding from Hope. Why didn't you say anything about the party- or her birthday? It's like you don't trust me, Lizzie, I'm trying my best here but it feels like I'm getting nowhere and it sucks because I love you and I need you to work with me here. I can't just pull all of the weight in this relationship," Gael confesses. "Do you want to go? Because we can do that. I'll do that if that's what you want."

"What did you just say?" Lizzie asks, jaw slack.

"I asked if you want to go to the party?" Gael repeats confused.

"Did you just say you love me?"

"Oh-" Gael's face flushes and he covers his face with his hands, turning away from Lizzie. "Did I? Look, does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters!" Lizzie sits up and leans closer to Gael.

"Why?" Gael questions and tilts his head. Lizzie brings her head back and gives him an incredulous look. He crosses his arms.

"What? Do you know how big of a deal this is? It's your first time saying it."

"Do you still love her?"

Lizzie's mouth goes dry and she presses her lips together, eyes drifting to the side. Gael doesn't look away from her and she swallows, hard, before trying to think of an answer. It shouldn't take her long at all to reply. Not if she's sure about how she feels.

"Of course I do. She was my best friend before anything else and a huge part of my life, I'm gonna always have love for her, Gael." She chuckles nervously.

"Are you still in love with her?"

Lizzie stares at Gael, hoping that he's not serious right now. Why is she all of a sudden being interrogated? They've been dating for how long and he's just now asking her these questions? Whatever. Her silence is enough for Gael. He lets out a chuckle and jumps out of the bed, shaking his head.

"Whatever, Lizzie. Go to the party where you won't have to pretend to be happy for me or because of me. You know what? Maybe even get back with Hope while you're at it. Just let me know when you have your mind finally made up," He scoffs and grabs a duffle bag before making his way out of the room and slamming the door behind himself.

**_We'll get through this, we'll get past this. I'm a girl with a whole lot of baggage, but I love you, we'll get past this. I'm a girl with a whole lot of baggage._ **

Lizzie didn't go to the party. It's been two weeks since she and Gael last spoke. He never came home after storming out. He's staying with a friend, Callie. She's had two episodes.

Her time apart from Gael has helped her realize something. She loves him too. And not just loves him, but like, she's in love with him. Lizzie has become so accustomed to their routine and relationship that she hasn't even realized that being with Gael is  _huge_  for her. It's more than just being with him to keep herself busy or because she thinks she deserves another chance at happiness.

She does deserve another chance at happiness and she's been wasting it, stuck on the past. She's with Gael because he makes her feel good. He makes her smile every day, makes her feel loved, protected, content. Lizzie hasn't felt like this in so long. Gael makes her feel  _so damn good_  and she refuses to let this relationship fall apart because Hope broke up with her. Whatever. It happens.

Hope broke her heart. Not once, but twice, which is kind of embarrassing to admit. She didn't lie when she said she will always have love for Hope, but... she's not in love with Hope anymore. Lizzie is just now realizing this. She hasn't been in love with Hope for about a year now- and it's taken her three whole years to reach this point. She was just so caught up in her heartbreak and trying to heal that she didn't realize  _She's okay_. She's healing. Without Hope.

Suddenly, Lizzie isn't scared anymore.

She whips out her cellphone and tells Siri to call Gael, waiting for him to pick up.

He doesn't. But she leaves a message anyway.

"Gael, come home. I love you- I'm in love with you, actually. We need to talk. Please don't let me eat dinner alone tonight, cause I bought your favorite and I could've bought mine. Okay. Later. Love you," Lizzie smiles as she hangs up the phone and makes her way home.

**_Though I wish she were here instead, don't want that living in your head. She just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then._ **

"Baby, wake up. Your waffles are getting cold."

Lizzie groans and swats at the hand tugging on her blanket. The hand reaches up to cup her cheek instead, leaning down to give her a kiss. Lizzie's eyes shoot open and she screams, causing the person to jump away. She knows those lips.

"What the fuck?"

"What?"

"Why are you here? Why are you kissing me?"

"Lizzie," Hope chuckles, tilting her head. "We're engaged. What do you mean why am I here? Are you alright, babe?"

"W-What? I don't understand," Lizzie trails off, looking around. They're in her penthouse- with a few minor changes. Hope's clothes are thrown about, there are art supplies scattered around, and there's definitely more color in the place than Lizzie could ever tolerate (she was never good at interior design, so she keeps it simple but Hope always made sure to brighten up the place). "What's going on?"

Hope's smile drops and her eyes widen, she scrambles closer to Lizzie, grabbing both of her shoulders. "You're being serious, aren't you?"

"Yes... I see you've left your mark on the place," Lizzie comments, taking the plate of waffles from Hope and shoving a forkful in her mouth. Hope smiles as she observes her eating and pulls her paint-splattered button-up back up her shoulder.

Lizzie looks up with a mouth full and notices how when Hope shrugs her shirt falls again. She reaches over to grab the collar of Hope's shirt and tugs her close, buttoning the third button down up and lets her hands slide underneath Hope's shirt and up to her collarbones. Lizzie lets her hands sit at the base of Hope's neck for a few seconds before wrapping them around to grip some of Hope's hair.

"Holy shit," She sighs. "You feel so real."

"I am real."

Lizzie opens her mouth to respond when she notices the rock on her finger.

"Woah," She gasps. Hope smirks and grabs her hand, kissing the back of it before pulling Lizzie in for a kiss as well.

"Do you like it?"

"Mmm, yes."

"Huh? Lizzie, wake up."

"Mmm, no."

"Come on, you have to. We have that family dinner tonight, remember?"

"Oh my god, whatever. I'm up." Lizzie checks her surroundings and lets out a sigh of relief once she notices that Gael's belongings are everywhere, not Hope's, and he's standing in front of her. Not her.

She smiles as she looks down to check her ring. It's not as big as the one in her dream but she's in love with it just as she's in love with Gael. Lizzie slips out of bed and makes her way to Gael, wrapping her arms around him from the back. She leans her head onto his shoulder and sighs, causing him to glance back at her.

"Everything okay, babe?"

"Yeah. Everything is great, I'm just glad you're here. I love you."

...

Alaric, Caroline, Penelope, Josie, Jasmine, Gael's parents and grandfather, and a few other family members are gathered at the very expensive restaurant Caroline chose for their monthly family dinner. Lizzie and Gael thought it was a horrible idea at first, Lizzie actually still thinks so, but with the news of an engagement, there's always bound to be some family time involved sooner or later. So, they'll take it.

The dinner is going great. Caroline and Alaric are finally starting to get along with Gael's parents and their families are starting to feel like one big family.

"So, I heard Hope is in town?" Alaric asks, stuffing his face with pasta. Caroline gives him a look and Josie nods, smiling at the mention of Hope's name. They're finally close again and it's been great to see their friendship flourish again.

"Yeah, for a while actually. She's doing a few art commissions and has plans for a few galleries. Her work is really amazing. I think she's planning on renting out a place." Josie informs everyone.

Lizzie chokes on her food a bit and raises her brows, squinting her eyes at Josie.

"Oh, that's a surprise. Well, how is she?" She questions, tilting her head.

"Why don't you ask her your fucking self?" Penelope whispers so only Lizzie can hear her.  Lizzie glares at her from her side view and Penelope shrugs, smirking. The blonde opens her mouth to ask what that's supposed to mean but it snaps shut as soon as she understands what Penelope meant. Hope Mikaelson is walking towards their table. Like, right now. In the flesh.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Traffic is literally insane."

Gael clears his throat and Hope smiles at him, making her way to where he's seated and then extends a hand. "You must be Gael, it's lovely to meet you." He hesitantly shakes her hand and Lizzie watches them carefully. How much does Hope know about Gael? After greeting him she turns to his family and introduces herself before taking a seat across from Lizzie and next to Alaric- the only seat available.

"I wasn't aware you were coming," Caroline chuckles nervously after noticing the look on Lizzie's face. She looks like she might burst any second. "We were just talking about your plans to stay in town."

"Penelope and Josie invited me, I hope that's alright. And yeah, I have a good amount of work lined up so I'm looking for an apartment right now. No getting rid of me now," She jokes, glancing at Lizzie.

"Great," Lizzie mutters and rolls her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Hope is blatantly staring at her.

Everyone lets out awkward laughs and their table falls silent for a second, everyone enjoying their food while Hope orders.

"So, engaged huh?"

"Yup. We're really excited." Gael cheeses and grabs Lizzie's hand. She meets his smile and leans forward a bit like she's about to tell a secret.

"Yeah, our wedding is almost completely planned. What about you, Hope? Anyone special?"

"Nah. I've just been focused on work and family for the last few years... No one really catches my eye." Lizzie meets Hope's stare for a second and she feels her chest flutter, not appreciating how Hope's words have a deeper meaning and they all know it. Definitely not appreciating how those words are affecting her.

"Maybe you'll find someone at the wedding," Penelope jokes causing everyone but Lizzie to laugh. She just sinks into her chair and tries to finish her food, hoping no one notices her change in mood.

"Maybe. I doubt it, though." Hope shrugs and smoothly changes the subject. "Well, anyway, I heard you are an artist, Gael. I'd love to see some of your work."

"Really? Why don't you stop by our place sometime soon and we can discuss it? I'd love to see yours as well."

Lizzie turns to look at him and kicks him under the table, causing him to grimace. He gives her a 'what?' look but she just shakes her head and gets up. "Uh, I have to use the bathroom. Be right back."

The table falls quiet once again and Josie goes to say something but Hope cuts her off, clearing her throat. "I'm gonna go check on her."

Once she's in the bathroom she leans against the door, blocking Lizzie from running away from her. Lizzie's leaning over the sink with her hands gripping each side, head down. She lifts her head and notices Hope blocking the exit and rolls her eyes.

"Hello, Hope." She turns the faucet off.

"Hi," Hope grins.

"What do you want?"

"Well, a lot of things, but I just came to check on you." She shrugs.

"No. Why are you here, Hope? In New York? At my family dinner? Introducing yourself to my fiance?"

"I told you, I have jobs here. I'm not missing out on work opportunities because you're afraid you might run into me, Lizzie. You act like if you get near me you'll die," Hope steps forward, getting in Lizzie's face. "I'm not your enemy, you know." She cups her cheek.

Lizzie gulps and raises her chin, keeping eye contact with Hope.

"And I'm here, at this dinner, because my family is here. Alaric, Josie, Penelope, even you, Lizzie, are my family... whether you like it or not. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so I hope you save me a seat at the wedding." Hope backs up again and heads towards the door. "Now excuse me, but my food should be ready."

Lizzie stares at her reflection in the mirror and shakes her head, resisting the urge to scream and tear this bathroom to shreds. How dare Hope come back into her life right now? How dare her mind make her feel like this- dreaming about Hope, clamming up around her, relieved that she's here? She feels sick.

**_And after all that we been through, there's so much to look forward to. What was done and what was said leave it all here in this bed with you._ **

When Lizzie said she felt sick she meant it, because she's felt sick since the family dinner. The dreams of Hope have been persistent and there's a looming feeling in the back of her head, no matter how great she feels. It's been a month.

"Lizzie, did you hear me?"

"Huh?"

Poor Gael. It's been like this lately. Lizzie's head is in the clouds most of the time and when it's not then she's in bridezilla mode. So yeah, he seriously hasn't been able to catch a break.

It's pretty weird but the only time he's able to actually catch a break is when he's hanging out with Hope. With all of this wedding and family business going on Gael has barely had time to focus on his artwork, but Hope seems to always pop up and remind him of his passion before motivation slips away from him. She's been encouraging, supportive, and has even given him the constructive criticism he feels like he's needed to improve a lot of aspects of his work. Hope has been somewhat like a mentor to him, and he's really glad to have her in his life, especially now.

Of course, that only makes one of the happy couple. While Gael is favoring Hope's return Lizzie is loathing the entire situation. Her fiancé and ex-girlfriend can't seem to get enough of each other... Great. Just what the blonde needs.

Don't get her wrong- It's not that she's jealous. She just wants Hope gone, as soon as possible preferably, because she just can't shake the feeling that something is going to happen if she sticks around any longer.

"I said I'm going out for a bit. Do you need something or did you want to come?"

"No, I'm fine. Gonna stay in and get some more work done. Have fun, babe." Lizzie leans up to give Gael a peck and watches as he leaves and locks the door behind himself.

She almost drifts into another daydream but a knock on the door snaps her out of it. Who the hell could that be? Maybe Gael forgot his keys?

"Keys again? What did I tell-" Lizzie stops in her tracks once she notices who's at her door. "Oh. What do you want?"

"Rude. Is Gael home?" Hope asks, peeking past Lizzie and into their penthouse.

"Nope, just missed him. Like literally. You can probably catch him if you—"

"— No, that's okay. I just wanted to drop off these templates I made for him. And there's a list of bakeries as well."

"Bakeries?" Lizzie chuckles. "What does he need those for?"

"The wedding?" Hope questions, brow arching. "Also, are you gonna let me in or not because I have a stack of papers in my hands."

Lizzie shakes her head and opens the door, gesturing for Hope to enter. Once Hope is in she places the stack down on the nearest surface and then moves to plop down on the couch, grabbing the TV remote. Lizzie frowns at her but glances down at the stack of papers and gasps.

"What the fuck?"

"What?" Hope asks peering over the couch.

"You've been helping Gael with the wedding? With  _our_  fucking wedding?"

"Uh, yeah?" Hope's arm falls forward in a questioning manner and she furrows her brows, wondering what the problem is. "What's the big deal? The more help the merrier, right?"

"No, of course." Lizzie sighs, picking up a paper. "It's just- I wanted these parts of the wedding to be sentimental, you know? Personal. He told me they were all his decisions and that he's been working hard on them but... this is a lot you're doing, Hope. It's just... not his. It's not personal, you know?"

"Yeah," Hope nods. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." She offers a sincere apology- If she knew Lizzie felt that way she would not be helping Gael so much.

"It's okay, it's not your fault. Nice work, by the way. Maybe I should marry you instead," Lizzie laughs and Hope smirks at that joke, mentally noting that if Lizzie's making jokes with her now that must mean she's started to hate her less. Progress is progress. She'll take it.

"Yeah, maybe."  
....

Lizzie and Gael lie face to face, staring at each other despite the darkness in the room making it hard for them to make out one another's entire faces.

"What is it?" Gael asks, noticing how Lizzie's looking at him.

"This feels different."

"What does?"

"Us. We feel different," She confesses and can't help the lone tear that escapes her eye. "Why do we feel so different now?"

Gael isn't sure what to say so he remains quiet for a second, making sure he doesn't say anything to upset Lizzie further, but before he can open his mouth to speak she talks again.

"I know Hope has been helping you with the wedding. And I know it's not a big fucking deal but it- It hurts, Gael. Fuck. It feels like I've lost you to her and now I'm losing our wedding to her too? You guys hang out all the time and now you're letting her pick what I specifically told you I want to be personal? I mean, come on."

"You're a hypocrite," Gael speaks softly. He scans Lizzie's face and sighs before speaking again. "I've lost you to her too. Look at how you act around her, how you act when you're not around her, the dreams—"

"- How do you know about those?"

"— C'mon, Lizzie. You sleep talk. I thought we were finally doing better, finally going somewhere. I thought... I thought you were over Hope. But I guess not."

"Why are you just now saying something?" It's all Lizzie can think of to say. Her behavior lately has been really confusing and she could've sworn she was over Hope but now... She's not so sure. She won't deny it if she's not certain herself.

"Well, why are you?" Good point, Lizzie thinks to herself. She reaches up to rest her hand on his cheek, playing with one of his curls. They're silent for a moment and Lizzie realizes this is why neither of them has said anything. Because when they're happy, they're happy. Really happy- content. When they're upset with each other they gear up and get ready to push through, because that's what couples do right?

But how do you prepare for a war you've already lost? How can Gael prepare to marry Lizzie knowing damn well she's still in love with Hope?

"This isn't gonna work, is it?"

Tears are falling from his eyes and Lizzie's hand is soaked. The sight of Gael being so hurt makes Lizzie's heart twist-up even more than it already is. All of this hurts, all of it. She can't imagine her life without Gael.

"No, I don't think it is."

But she can imagine just how much Gael's life will improve if she just lets him go.

**_I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again over her. I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'stead of ghostin' her._ **

Of course, they make sure to remain friends though. They still talk almost every day and hang out quite often. In fact, they even kept their breakup hidden for two weeks for some reason but then family started to get suspicious and they just didn't have the heart to lie to them. 

To Lizzie's dismay,  Hope stuck around. Part of her thought that when she ended things with Gael the woman would leave her alone or at least leave Gael alone but nope, she still makes an effort to hang with Lizzie and her and Gael have become close friends. 

The blonde has been steering clear of Hope since her breakup with Gael, two months ago, but she feels kind of bad about ignoring her. She's just scared that if she lets herself talk to Hope she'll either end up crying, yelling, kissing her, or all of the above. The tribrid drives her insane and she can't explain it. Then again, she's not sure she wants to.

Despite her persistent efforts to avoid Hope, Penelope and Josie are always encouraging her to catch up with Hope and just give her another chance- at friendship, at least. Hopefully, when she hangs out with them today they don't mention it. She's currently approaching their door so fingers are crossed.

Lizzie knocks lightly and waits for a second before pounding on the door. Don't they know she hates waiting?

"Fuck, we're coming. Hold on!" Penelope shouts and Lizzie rolls her eyes.

Hope throws open the door with a smug look on her face and Lizzie can't help but roll her eyes again, turning around.

"Yeah, I'll come back another time."

"Wait!" Hope reaches out for Lizzie's wrist. She tugs her into the apartment and closes the door, standing in front of it so Lizzie can't leave. Lizzie stumbles into the room and Hope winces as she races to catch her. "Sorry. I forget how strong I am sometimes."

"Something tells that was your plan all along just so you have an excuse to be holding me by the waist wring now." Lizzie quips but doesn't move away from Hope.

"I guess you'll never know." Hope's smirk is complimented by her signature eyebrow raise.

"Where are my sister and Penelope at?" Lizzie shakes Hope off of her and makes her way to the living room where she finds a seat on the couch. Hope sits next to her and she gives her a curious look, wondering what her approach is. 

"Right here," Josie hums, walking into the living room with Penelope trailing behind her. They hover above Hope and Lizzie for a second, giving each other a look, before Penelope says something.

"So, since neither of us feels like cooking we ordered Thai. We're gonna go pick it up."

"What? Why didn't you just get it delivered?"

"Maybe we just want some fresh air," Josie shakes her head and raises her brows, giving Hope and obvious look.

"Then we could've just--"

"-- Look, we're going to go pick the food up and you two are going to stay here! Be back in a bit." Penelope points a finger at the two before resting her hand on the small of Josie's back, guiding her towards the door. "Let's go, babe."

Once the door shuts Hope clears her throat and Lizzie squints at her. "This is some parent-trap shit. Did you know they were going to do this?"

"No, I swear. But I'm kind of glad they did. You've been ignoring me."

"I have not-" Lizzie notices the look Hope's giving her and bites her lip. "Okay, maybe I have been ignoring you but with good reason."

"Which is?"

Lizzie is silent and Hope shakes her head, pulling her feet under on the couch so that she's more comfortable.

"Exactly... Can I ask you something"

"Sure."

Hope pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, contemplating whether or not she really wants to know the answer to her question. "Um, that letter I wrote for you... Did you ever read it?"

Lizzie looks away and feels kind of guilty for never opening it, even after all of these years. She notices that Hope is playing with her fingers and figures whatever is in the letter must be intense if Hope is this nervous to ask about it. 

"Honestly? No. I never did."

"Oh, okay. It's cool. It's nothing important anyway." Hope shrugs her shoulders and looks down. Lizzie feels her stomach churn and she reaches over to grab one of Hope's hands.

"I still have it. I'll read it. I promise."

Hope nods her head and smiles, squeezing Lizzie's hand, and the blonde returns her smile.

"Cool. Thank you."

...

It's two in the morning, pouring, and Lizzie's entire head is throbbing along with her entire face being red and puffy, but none of this can stop her from seeing Hope right now. She read the letter- about ten times to be exact- and she's determined to see her ex-girlfriend. She has to let Hope know she could never hate her and that reading this letter has made her fall in love with Hope all over again. It's crazy how one simple thing brings up such strong feelings. 

Now that she's had the time to grow and heal she realizes just how much Hope's pain and trauma has affected how Hope lives her life and their relationship. She understands now and she's not angry. She's sorry too, and Hope deserves to know that.

"Please answer," Lizzie whispers to herself as she pounds on Hope's door. It feels like a year before Hope gets to the door and a little puddle has formed on the hallway floor beneath Lizzie but fuck that, she'll clear it up later.

"For fuck's sake, it's two a.m. " Hope grunts and cracks the door open enough for her to peek out. "Lizzie?"

"Hey," Lizzie pushes on the door a little bit and Hope backs up to avoid getting hit. She slips inside the apartment and starts stripping out of her clothes.

"Oh, no worries, Lizzie. Of course, you can come in."

"Do you have clothes for me to wear? Preferably a hoodie?"

"Yeah, once sec." Hope goes to retrieve a hoodie for Lizzie and when she returns Lizzie is holding the letter Hope wrote for her a few years back. 

"You read it?" She asks quietly as she hands the top off to Lizzie. The blonde nods and takes her wet shirt off, replacing it with the hoodie. Hope does a good job diverting her eyes from Lizzie's boobs.

"Thanks and yeah. Yeah, it's actually why I'm here. Hope, I- I didn't know. I didn't realize that you were feeling like this. I thought you were okay and I guess I thought as long as we were together you would remain okay. Maybe because that's how I felt about my own problems. When I heard that you were getting help I was so glad because I figured maybe then you'd be out of excuses to hurt people you love, you know? I thought, good, the next person she's with won't have to feel how I feel."

Hope looks down at that, feeling tears pool at the brim of her eyes. She nods to let Lizzie know that she's listening and that she can continue even though she's sure Lizzie didn't pause for her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry at that time I didn't consider that you were getting help for yourself. That you needed it because you were struggling. I wish I could've done something more or helped you feel better when we were together. I wish that you never had to feel like this and never have to again. But- I just want you to know that I could never hate you. I'm not angry with you or vengeful. I just want you to be okay." Lizzie approaches Hope and cups her face in her hands, forcing the shorter girl to look at her. She wipes her tears away and kisses her forehead.

"I want you to be happy. All of the time. And when you're not I want to be there to try and cheer you up. To reassure you that you will be again and that I'm always going to be there by your side. I want to do what I couldn't do before. I love you, Hope. I promise I'll spend every day making sure you know it."

"Lizzie..." Hope places her hands over Lizzie's on her cheeks, leaning into her hold. "I love you too. It's not your fault. It's no ones. It was awhile ago we've both lived and learned and all that good stuff. It's okay. There's so much more I wanted to put in that letter but after not talking to you for a few years and just... No words can express how I feel, Lizzie. I'm just so happy you've read the letter and understand."

Lizzie doesn't respond. Instead, she brings her and Hope's lips together and kisses her again for the first time in what feels like forever. Their kiss is full of pain, love, but mostly relief. There was a time where Lizzie thought she'd never feel these oh so soft lips again. They savor the kiss, taking their sweet time until Hope pulls away.

"Liz, we can't... be together. At least not right now." Hope informs Lizzie. The blonde's hands drop to her side and she looks taken aback and Hope realizes how fucked up that must sound. "Sorry. I'm not rejecting you, I promise! I just don't think we should rush into anything. I want you to be sure, because I know I definitely am." She rushes to defend herself.

The taller girl visibly relaxes and can't help but nod in agreement. 

"Okay. That's a good idea."

"Good, because I usually only come up with bad ones."

 


End file.
